Living Legends and Tin Cans
by pocketss
Summary: Pepper's death left Tony barely hanging on, although he's done a wonderful job of playing the part. Now with crime picking up, and their relationship beginning to take a turn, it might just be time for Tony to pull himself out of this rut. Of course, first Tony's going to have to learn how to let go, and Steve's going to have to hold out and pray he doesn't explode.
1. Toilet Teddy-two

[For any new followers past this point, welcome to chapter ! See, the original first chapter was alright. But this one is _excellent_. I'm happy you get to start with this. Any chapter with a .two after it from this point is the second version of a chapter. Up until chapter eleven you should look for this, or know that it's going to get _better_. Because now I'm really into this fiction and it needed to be perfected.

I have my beta reader! Normally scheduled updates will be Sundays and Tuesdays. This would not usually count as an update, since it's the upload of a chapter that was already a chapter, but I had a very busy weekend. Still moving in. Wednesday is going to make you all go "TONY WHAT" but it's okay because it's not Wednesday yet and now you have that to be excited for. c:]

"Steve."

The super soldier was lost in thought, eyeing the ailing form of a woman he'd grown to call his friend. The silk sheets and soft light against skin the shade of snow, tight and slightly wrinkled on a woman who hardly had a flaw at one time.. It was all a bit much to take in. And Steve wasn't even the one who should be crying over this.

"Steve." There was more urgency this time, and Steve forced himself to meet dull blue eyes. The life had already slipped from them, but somehow she was hanging in there. There was still some form of fire left in Pepper Potts. Even if she was nearly skin and bone, even if the pain was so intense that at moments her eyes would water and her front would fall, Pepper wasn't giving up.

Not until Steve made her a promise, and Tony got to say goodbye.

"Tony's going to be here soon, Pepper," Steve said softly, having long ago dropped the Miss that would have been tacked onto her name. She was a bit stubborn, and once she insisted upon something, you might as well just go with it. Hand reached out to accept the one she offered, taking a seat at her bedside. "Why don't you go to the hospital? I'm sure they can do something. Maybe take the pain away, or-"

"The pain is going to be gone soon enough," Pepper said, tone soft yet forceful. Because she wanted Steve to shut up, just for a moment. Just listen to her. At this point, even dragging in the breath to make her point, to get the words out, was labored. Pepper was a smart woman, always had been, and she knew what this was. "I need to talk to you before Tony gets here. Because once he does, I won't have time for anyone else."

Steve was having a hard time with this. It wasn't like watching a soldier fall, or saying goodbye to a comrade. Pepper was probably the reason why Steve and Tony had become such good friends, best friends. If she hadn't been the one to force Tony to drag him out to charity event, if she hadn't sweet talked Steve into going, they'd still be at each others throats right now. It was a fond memory, Steve thinking back to carrying Tony home and receiving and affectionate, "You're not bad for an icecicle from the forties." What a start that had been. It might not have been much, but it was far from insulting each other on the helicarrier, and ever since they'd been working on the way they handled one another.

"He's going to need you, Steve," Pepper told him, and her voice quivered slightly as she thought about just how broken Tony was going to be without her. She knew about the ring sitting in his drawer down in the workshop. Hell, she'd known about it for the entire four months that he'd had it hidden there. It was her business to know every move he made, and she'd just been waiting for him to make this one. It was too little, too late, but she was glad he hadn't actually taken that plunge. It would only hurt him more. "He will _push_ you, he will say things he knows will hurt you.. I know, I know, that's him now." She offered her own pained smile at the one that slipped on Steve's features. "But I need you to promise that you'll hold on, you won't let him push you and the others away. You're his family now, the closest to one he's ever had. _Please_-"

"Pepper," Steve said quietly, not wanting her to push herself or overwork her failing body. "I swear on my life, I will stand by his side no matter how hard he tries to stop me." And that wasn't a promise, that was something much deeper. Because Steve had grown to know Tony nearly as well as Pepper did, something that no one thought possible. He might even outshine Rhodey, but Steve wasn't keeping track. All he knew was that someone had to push through that stubborn, thick, probably reinforced with metal skull of Tony's and help him through this.

Before either could say another word, Thor was coming through the door, solemn expression on his face. It was a horrible day when Thor couldn't even manage a smile, but he sure did try. Mortals. So fragile, so easy to slip away from the world. He couldn't find words, but it was obvious that Pepper took comfort in him being here- she had insisted that JARVIS make the call to the entire team. Tony was to be saved for last, because if he got here before them he would surely refuse to let everyone in.

He would refuse to believe it.

Stark was currently adjusting his tie, trying to keep his defenses from breaking down. Because when he got the call, he'd been in New York. And yes, he had refused to believe it. After all, the diagnosis had only come seven or so weeks ago. Actually, it was seven weeks, two days, fourteen hours and nineteen minutes, but who was really keeping track of it. Besides Tony, of course. Because he had to keep track of something.

Everyday was a fight to find the cure, and everyday he would end up throwing everything in his lab, sending it crashing and the AI he'd designed backing up and trying not to get in his way. Especially Dummy, because as much as he would do for his master, the machine seemed to realize that his clumsy ways would only cause problems. Every moment he wasn't in the lab was spent with Pepper, reassuring both her and himself that she was fine. She was going to be fine. Tony was going to beat this, because the doctors had said eight months. At the least. That was like an eternity once Tony got into a project, because in just three months he was sure..

But now he wasn't sure. Of anything.

Tony arrived behind Clint and Natasha, who had been waiting outside for him. Because even if Tony didn't want to admit it, this screwy band of heroes had wormed their way into his heart, and he into theirs. Which was why when Bruce arrived moments later, he looked slightly irritated. He'd been searching for Tony as well, but at least someone had found him before he could do something stupid, something crazy.

It had taken Tony hardly any time at all to get here, and he was pretty sure he'd nearly fried the thrusters on the suit. How power had held up, he wasn't sure. Tony simply hated himself for taking this long, but really, how quickly could he cross the country without blowing the suit apart?

Steve moved aside without being asked, and Tony took his spot without hesitation. Eyes were red with bottled tears, but he was not going to cry. Not when Pepper needed him to be strong.

"How you holding up, champ?" Tony asked, and even Natasha's heart was breaking as his voice cracked. Tony always had walls in place, emotions like this weren't something his team ever go to see. Vulnerability was not something ever shared. But Tony could only be so strong, and seeing Pepper like this was really beginning to do him in.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Pepper began, because she felt he needed to hear it. "Sorry that I let you hope. I kind of.. knew for the past two or so weeks that this was it." She paused, taking in a pained breath, because this was getting hard. Her body was urging her to stop, to let go, but she had to make sure that Tony heard her out. That he realized that she didn't blame him, and that he couldn't blame himself.

"Stop it," Tony said firmly, grasping her hand and raising one hand to a shallow cheek. God, how long had she been looking like this? He'd been so focused on the lab that he hadn't even noticed how sick she looked, how far gone she already was. "Listen, you just.. Just start treatment for now, I can fix this. I can fix you, I can find the cure, Pepper, you can't give up-"

"It's not a matter of giving up anymore, Tony," Pepper replied, firm yet understanding, her own eyes watering. This was the hardest goodbye she'd ever said, because after this goodbye she wasn't going to be around anymore. It was the most terrifying idea she'd ever had to face, but at least she didn't have to face it alone. She was startled to see a tear roll down his cheek, but he made quick work to swipe it away. "I physically cannot keep this up. It's okay, Tony. It's not your fault. You've done everything you could for me. I just want to sleep. But I don't want to be alone, and I want to make sure you're taken care of before I sleep."

Tony felt suddenly uncomfortable, and he would have asked everyone to leave if he hadn't know that would upset Pepper. They were seeing a side of him he did his best to keep under wraps, after all.

"I need you to do something for me, Tony," Pepper continued, and Tony's barely audible "anything" didn't go unnoticed. "It's a lot to ask of you, but it's important to me. I need you to make me a promise." And Tony hated to hear that, because he was awful with keeping promises. Stark was known for breaking them, in fact. Especially where women were involved. But he wasn't going to point this all out, he was going to nod. He was going to do everything he could. Even though she was not dying, there was no way she was leaving Tony behind. "Promise me you won't push them away. The Avengers. Your friends, Tony. Promise me you'll hold onto them."

Pepper had always been intelligent, something that Tony was now cursing. They were the first people he would have cut ties with, shoved them as far away as possible, because after Pepper, and Rhodey, they were all important parts of his life. Meaning he was attached much more than he had ever intended to become. Now it was obvious that everyone was vulnerable, and he realized with a sharp pain in his chest that these friends of his were just as likely to die on him as Pepper. Every mission, every crazy stalker.. They were all in danger. They all had clocks that were ticking away. Except for Thor, but fuck him, alright, because right now Tony didn't have the patience to see the amusement in that.

It took a few moments to realize that everyone here was holding their breath, including Tony. And then he was nodding, and he was trying to keep his voice even, because God he was going to lose it if he didn't. "I promise you, Pepper," he replied softly. "But listen to me, _you've got it in you_. You've put up with my bullshit all these years. You can't just give up over something so silly as a horrible disease. You'e Pepper Potts, and you-"

"Can't do this, Tony," Pepper finished for him, and she didn't miss the way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down in a gulp. "I'm sorry. I love you, Tony. You know that, right?"

"Of _course_ I know that," Tony insisted, leaning closer, fingers running carefully through thin amber hair. "And I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could. We have so much more to do. I need you, Pep. Need you for so much in my life. How will I tie my shoes without you?"

"Dummy knows how, you just have to give him the chance to prove it," Pepper replied, and even through this awful moment they each cracked a pained smile. Tony pressed his forehead against hers, feeling silent tears trickle down his cheeks, and the sound of sniffling noses came from just about every direction. It was apparent that Pepper was done speaking, and the others surrounded her. Some knelt, others sat on the bed, but each of them watched quietly. Pepper was done with talking, that much was apparent. Eyes were closed, breath was shallow.

No one knew how long she slept, no one cared to look at the clock, because time didn't matter. No one questioned that Tony wasn't moving, either, that his shoulders had long since stopped shaking. No one even bothered to say a word until her breath finally came to a ragged stop, and Tony lifted his head to look at the woman he'd loved and now lost.

But Tony didn't cry.

Tony was through with crying, because there was nothing he could do. This wasn't the end, though. He was still going to find that cure. She wasn't really gone. Just.. out of reach. He hardly heard Bruce excuse himself, obviously a bit overwhelmed with the situation. Bruce was his close companion, after all, and the Hulk had apparently taken to Tony ever since the battle with the crazy aliens and that nutty trickster over a year and a half ago. Hopefully Bruce wasn't going to hulk out here in Tony's Malibu home, because there were only so many rooms for him to destroy.

It was Clint and Natasha who took the hint next, deciding that they were better to leave Tony alone than to try and say anything comforting. Neither was very good with this sort of thing. They were agents; loss happened. Death was a part of life. Tony wasn't an agent. He wasn't a soldier. He was a man, a fragile man who had feelings despite his best attempts to pretend he didn't.

Finally Thor followed suit, but Steve wasn't budging. He simply took a spot against the wall, arms crossed, watching as Tony carefully traced Pepper's jaw. Tony would never admit it, but he was grateful that Steve hadn't left too. This was a moment that only his Capsicle could know how to handle. Tony didn't need anyone to apologize, anyone to try and be understanding and tell him all about how he was going to get through this.

Tony needed time to mourn, time to accept that she was gone, and Steve understood.

How long the two kept silent this way, neither knew. Tony continued to stare at Pepper, at her shell rather, the body that was lacking everything that had made the woman who she was. When the body was removed to be taken to the coroner, Tony didn't budge, didn't move his gaze even as her face was removed from his vision. Finally his head was placed against the sheets, which still held a bit of her warmth, still contained her scent.

It wasn't until breath became shallow and Steve was sure Tony was asleep that Steve slipped out the door, careful not to make a sound as it closed behind him. Tony needed the rest, anyway, because the next few days he was sure to do anything but sleep.

* * *

Two years had passed, dragging painfully slow for everyone. Tony had spent the last six months spiraling back into his old habits The alcohol was where it started. Tony had been going easy on the alcohol after Pepper had insisted, about four months into their relationship. Obviously his raunchy days had stopped much sooner.

But Tony could only behave himself for so long.

It started simply, deciding that he wanted a scotch. Or two. Or six, actually. At first it was just drinking. But then Tony had a party, and maybe things got a little out of control. And he woke up thinking that.. Wow. He was still holding out, hoping that Pepper would be there in the morning to scold him.

But she wasn't.

Months later here he was, riding in the back of the cab and trying to remember why Happy wasn't picking him up. Oh, right, because he'd told him to go the fuck home. Tired of hearing Happy try and convince him, alright, Tony, you've had enough. Maybe we should get you home now, I'm sure Steve will be waiting. Tony? Really, don't you think that this is too much? Tony never had too much.

It was obvious that Tony was a different man than before. Down to the extra wrinkles, the dark circles beneath his eyes that refused to go away, the way his confidence sometimes seemed forced. Snarky comments were on overdrive, and if once upon a time he'd at least known when was a good time to hold his tongue he refused to do it now. Forget the progress he'd made towards becoming a man he could be proud of, a man Pepper could be proud of. Tony was downright cruel, uncaring, and refused to let anyone back in. Anyone who had known him knew that none of that was Tony Stark, even if it was the act he'd always attempted to put on.

Late nights in the lab weren't a new occurrence but they had been rather ridiculous lately. It had been a week the last time before Steve had finally coaxed Tony out of there, and that was only because JARVIS went into over-protective mode and locked Tony out of his work. Fucking AI was too smart for his own good, but that was something Tony would never grow tired of. No matter how much he complained about it.

They just didn't understand. None of them did, especially not Steve. Pepper was gone, but he still had to figure out what he could have done. There was always something Tony could have done. The guilt was gnawing at his insides, breaking down walls as fast as Tony could build them.

It was no surprise that Tony had successfully driven a nail through just about every friendship he had within his team. After all, he was known for breaking promises. No matter how hard he tried to remember that Pepper had asked him to keep the Avengers close, her dying wish, he just couldn't. Because their time was ticking, and they were all going to leave him behind too.

Steve was another story, though, wasn't he? Tony often found himself wondering if the stubborn attitude had come with the serum, or if Steve had just always been that pushy. He must not have had many friends. But all of his attempts at ruining his relationship with Steve aside, Tony was happy to have him. Although Stark would never be caught dead admitting it, he really needed Steve in his life.

What had Tony been trying to do just now? The cab driver was saying something, but Tony waved his hand and a one hundred dollar bill in his direction, and then he was leaning against the glass on the window. Huh. Right, he was going to get out, because he was pretty sure that this was his destination. But last Tony had checked, there was only one Stark tower, not four dancing in dazzling light on the pavement. Wait a minute, that was definitely Stark Tower. Oh, right.

Tony was really drunk.

Brown eyes were so glazed over that one might wonder how many bottles he'd drained, but no one could have answered that question even if they tried. Honestly, who kept track of his alcohol consumption these days? Well, there were actually probably about five or six people on that list, but hell with them. The Avengers and their babysitter Fury were not his parents, thank you very much, and Tony would do whatever he damn well pleased.

Oh no, Tony was not at all behaving like a toddler who had just witnessed all of his pacifiers being thrown away. Not if you asked him, anyway.

Fingers hooked on the door latch, and Tony realized he was trying to get out of the car! Right! Wow, good job Tony, great. Solved the greatest puzzle known to man. Now, focus, Tony. Fingers pulled back, and the door shifted open- and Tony fell flat on his face against the concrete.

Groan escaped him, because, right! He'd been leaning on the door. This was elementary shit right here, and Tony Stark had been past that point in his life since he was two years old. Genius didn't happen overnight, it was a lifetime thing.

"_Shhhhh_," Tony hissed at the cement beneath him as though it was being loud and threatening to wake all of New York, ignoring the way that his head throbbed at this point. He needed to invest in softer sidewalks, apparently. Maybe that was something he could invent. Perhaps he should head straight down to the lab and get to work- but no, JARVIS would never let him use power tools, especially anything with fire, which Tony was fond of. Not in this condition. The AI seemed skeptical about Tony playing with fire anytime, actually.

Satisfied that he'd drank enough, and still tingling from the good time that he'd had with the swingers(and what a lovely couple they had been. Oh God, between her tits and his abs, Tony wondered why he hadn't just asked them to adopt him.), Tony decided that no, he would head off to bed instead of wreaking havoc in his workshop. Tomorrow! Carefully, struggling because the ground would not stop moving, and okay, now Tony had six hands, he began to push himself up from his resting place, tugging his legs out of the cab.

As eyes shifted upwards, gaze focused in on a hand. Or maybe two hands, but Tony was sure that it was just one. The hand was attached to an _arm_, which led to a shoulder, and then a neck, and wow, Tony had found Steve! Sweet. Wait, why was Steve here? Oh no, busted.

"Later than I would have expected, Stark," Steve said quietly. Tony couldn't tell if he was trying not to smile, or if that was a look of pity. Since he was drunk and didn't need to be logical, Tony decided that it was a smile. Yep, Steve was not disappointed or pitying right now. Because this was Tony, Tony as he had always been and this was no surprise. Nothing to pity.

Steve was always there, always waiting for Tony when the fragile man needed him. It was both something that Tony found incredibly sweet and absolutely infuriating. How many times did Tony have to spit venom at the man before Steve decided to tell him to fuck off? Once no one was hanging onto him anymore, once the Avengers pushed him aside and he had no purpose, he could just live out the rest of his life in self-loathing misery.

But tonight, he was going to live out hugging the toilet.

Tony couldn't have gotten to the elevator on his own, and Steve promptly deposited him on the floor because by now they knew Tony didn't have the balance for this thing when he was this far gone. Now Steve was smiling down at Tony, but it was an obviously pained amusement. How could any man do this to himself so often? It pushed Steve to the edge sometimes, to the point where he wanted to scream at Tony, slam him into a wall, beat some sense into him. If Pepper saw him right now, saw what they had been unable to prevent him from becoming...

Steve was still trying to keep his promise.

"Wher'svybody?" Tony asked, hiccuping slightly. If Steve noticed the way his shoulders shook with silent sobs, he didn't say a word. Because this was the one time when Tony would start to get emotional. Right here on the elevator. If Steve brought attention to it, Tony clammed up.

"Sorry, Tony, I don't understand babbling drunk," Steve replied, sinking down slightly to look him over. He didn't want to think about what those dark, purple bruises just beneath his shirt collar meant. All he could do was hope that Tony had used protection. Not that it mattered on a.. Oh hell, yeah, it mattered on a personal level. But now was not the time nor place for that, was it?

"I 'sked where everybody is," Tony growled, annoyed that by now Steve still didn't understand his slurs He figured the super soldier should be able to understand it better than when Tony was speaking regularly!

"Oh, is that what you said, Tony?" Steve asked innocently. "I thought I heard you say I'm a big dummy who can't hold his liquor." Ohh, Steve had jokes tonight! Tony would have laughed, except for it wasn't even half as hilarious as they both knew it was. Instead Tony stuck his tongue out. The elevator drew to a halt, and Steve carefully helped the not-so-intelligent genius to his feet.

"You're 'voidin' the question," Tony belched out, head ducking slightly. Because he didn't care, really. They could do what they wanted. Tony was having the time of his life, they were probably out doing something stupid. Something stupid that he wouldn't have wanted to do even if he was invited. "You know what, 's'fine. Runnin' away 'fore big bad Tony can come home and fuck up 'vryones night." It was nearly spat, but Tony felt he would really spit if he tried to sound malicious right now. "Hell with 'em. I don't need you all ruinin' my fun, bitchin' me out for-" He paused, skin slightly pale, cheeks puffing. But no he was not going to-

Tony spilled his guts right there in the middle of the hallway. There was a lot of shrimp involved. Had he really bought shrimp for everyone? Yep, there was the cocktail sauce. Steve didn't flinch, didn't feel sick at the sight. Instead he ran his fingers carefully through Tony's hair, one hand slipping to gently massage his back. It was in these moments that Tony hated Steve the most because, God whatever his heart was doing it wasn't normal. And his heart only did that when Steve was around.

"Listen, Tony, we're almost to the bathroom," Steve said softly, pulling the man back from the wall that he had slumped against. It was sort of adorable how pathetic Tony could be at times. "Got the cot set up for you and everything." It had long since been decided that on nights like this, Tony was not going to be in his bed. The sheets had already taken a bad enough beating the first fourteen times he'd thrown up all over them in the middle of the night, thank you very much. Tony slumped into Steve's hold, walking as carefully as he could. Now that he'd thrown up, mind was a little clearer. Which meant..

"Never answered m' question," Tony said softly, refusing to look at Steve. Not that it mattered, not that it really hurt to think that his team wanted nothing to do with him. His friends. If you could even call them that these days. Bruce was another one he felt awful for pushing away. Science bros for life, except.. Tony couldn't be his science anything right now.

Tony Stark was a bit of a mess.

"It's Bruce's birthday, Tony." Steve said it carefully, quietly, because he didn't want to see the mixed emotions slip onto Tony's face. They did anyway. "They all went out for Shawarma." And brace for impact, Captain, because here comes the meteor shower.

"_Shawarma_?" Tony demanded, feeling as though his arc reactor had just been torn out because how dare they! "I intr'duc'd all you assholes to that! And what sort of_ thanks_ do I get? Not ev'n an invitishation! Like I would have really gone, but wh-" Pause, because God he was going to throw up. The door was flung open to the bathroom, and Tony was hugging his porcelain Queen. Steve was right behind him with a wash cloth.

"They did want you there," Steve told him quietly, fingers gently running along Tony's spine. Had Tony not been retching and sobbing at how stupid he was and how awful he felt, he might have enjoyed the touch. "But you were sort of already gone when we decided on what to do, and we knew that once you were gone you were probably halfway to drunk off your butt." Not ass, because Steve very rarely let anything slip. Except when around Tony, and that was because you couldn't help but be that frustrated with the billionaire at times.

"Just.. _shut up_," Tony mumbled, trying to sound malicious but instead sounding as though his throat was now inside out. Tony was doing his best to be strong and keep telling himself that this was what he wanted, anyway. Tony wanted them all to stop caring, to stop talking to him. Stop including him in things, stop thinking positive things about him. Tony wanted them all to hate him. Except that was so far from the truth that not even Tony himself was going to believe it. Not with the way it stung to think that they hadn't at least tried to contact him.

The two stayed this way for a few moments, Tony retching every now and then. Finally Tony was down to the dry heaves, and Steve knew there wasn't a thing he could do for him at that point. Carefully he stood, helping Tony to lay back on the cot. Steve tucked Tony in because he wanted to make sure he slept on his side, not because he wanted the tender moment with the man. Tony was stationed right next to the toilet, and for good reason. Steve made sure to leave a glass of water within reach, a box of tissue so Tony could blow his nose, and Tony's Stark phone. Just in case.

God Steve would make a lovely wife one day.

"I'm gonna go now, Tony," the Captain said quietly, reaching down to ruffle his hair. "Need anything else? You know I'll answer if you ca-"

"Steve, _stop_," Tony said softly, unable to open his eyes again now that they had slipped shut. "Please just stop." Alright, maybe he could open his eyes. Testing the theory, Tony found it wasn't that bad, and so he reached out to grip Steve's pant leg. Steve was always doing this. Taking care of Tony, worrying about Tony. It wasn't fair. Not to Steve. "Go out with 'vryone, have a great time.. And pretend I don' exist. Okay? Please?" He paused, hesitating, before closing his eyes again. "Oh 'nd.. Tell Bruce 'm sorry 'm not there. Happy Birthday. Y'know."

Steve took the moment to stare at Tony, soft smile gracing his features. Because oh God, when Tony was so vulnerable he wasn't just adorable. He was so sweet it hurt. Heart squeezed in his chest, and he reached down to give Tony's hair another ruffle.

"I don't even know who Tony Stark is," Steve replied casually. Hesitation, before he finally broke away and headed to the door. With one last worried look at Tony, the lights went off and the door shut. Tony was a pro at this, all he needed was the light from the reactor to help him find the outline of the toilet.

Steve was one of those riddles Tony could never seem to find the answer to, a code he just couldn't crack. It drove him absolutely insane, because he felt that nine times out of ten, it was Steve figuring out Tony. Tony didn't like that. He wasn't the problem, he wasn't the mystery.

Thoughts were interrupted as he turned to cradle the familiar toilet once more, and within moments he was back on his side, for another night of fitful sleep.

[So if you've read the story from the beginning, or at least since before I fixed this chapter, _please let me know what you think. _Because I wanted to make this better for all of you. And I hope I succeeded.]


	2. It's Two AM Somewhere

[Note from the Author; Hello!

I'd like to say that this will be drawn out! I want to delve into their friendship a bit before Tony goes off making out with Steve and then we dive into the sweet lovin's department. No, no, it's not going to be like that! I'm writing this, and I'll be honest with you, mainly for myself. I am so tired of not writing. However, I want any fans I pick up along the way to feel comfortable, to enjoy it! So, feel free to leave constructive criticism I don't have a problem with that. I will try to explain myself if I think you're not understanding something, but don't take that as me being defensive. However, as I said, constructive criticism If you don't have suggestions as to what could have made it better, then there's not much point in telling me something was out of place, is there?

I'm sorry this chapter is sort of short, but I plan to have something out by Wednesday to make up for it.

So I think that's it for now. Thanks everyone!]

Judging from the sudden burst of light after what felt like only ten minutes of sleep, Steve must have come back. And that made Tony very unhappy. So unhappy that he slurred together just about every curse word he possibly knew. Of course, the louder he go the harder his head pounded, and he was again lurching to the toilet, heaving violently. Stomach was empty apparently.

Finally he took a break, covering his eyes and turning his head towards where the door must have been. "The hell're you back for?" There was a hint of hatred in his voice. Not because he didn't want Steve around. But because, again, he'd only been gone for like ten minutes! "You said morning." Grumpy tone refused to go away.

"Oh, stop being a child, Tony," Steve replied, amusement thick in his voice. "Gosh, you'd think you'd learn by now. It's half past noon."

Noon? No. There was no way! Eyes were uncovered for the moment, although his hand went up to shade him from the blinding lights. Okay, so they were sort of dim, set the mood in the bathroom. But it felt like he was staring into the sun right now. Eyes finally found a digital clock built into the wall, and he cursed again. He wasn't lying, was he?

"Fucking.." Whatever he was going to say never finished, because he looked to Steve and saw the way that his shoulders shook with silent laughter. "Oh hilarious," he snarled, laying his head back against the toilet. It was so cool, for the moment it took the pounding in his head down a few notches.

Steve walked over with his usual smug grin, leaning down to present Tony with a glass of orange juice and an ibuprofen Tony would have preferred another drink, as that was always a sure fire way to kill a hangover, but he accepted the offered solution anyway. He made short work of the orange juice, draining the glass in a few gulps. He hadn't realized how dry his throat was. Finally he looked back up to Steve, shaking his head.

"What?" Steve quirked a brow, but he didn't look quite so amused. Worry. Tony hated that. There was always a crease in the Cap's forehead or his eyes would be darker than usual. It was Tony's doing, and that was what drove him insane. It wasn't in his nature to really care about how he made others feel, not openly at least. It was hard not to care when you'd broken yourself down from several friends to Rhodey and Steve, and these days Rhodey was questionable. Tony constantly tried to reason with himself that this was good, it was what he needed. Cut everyone off so he could wallow in self misery. But Steve was so damn persistent wasn't he? Something about the way Steve went about caring for him, that was what kept Tony from screaming every horrible, insulting sentence he could think of. That was what kept him from driving the nail into the coffin containing their fragile friendship.

It took a few moments, but finally Tony shrugged. "It's nothing," he replied, running a hand through disheveled hair. "Alright, I'm up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't actually need a nanny to bathe." Up on quivering legs- damn what had he done last night? Must have been fun! "What's on the agenda today? Am I kicking any ass? Inventing something, breaking something apart to figure out how it w-"

"You're relaxing," Steve said firmly. "If that means you have to go tinker in the lab, then do it. I can't play nanny tonight, Tony." He paused, noticing the.. hurt? Tony didn't show hurt, but he could have sworn that was what it was. "I'm heading to the children's hospital. Sick fan wants to meet Captain America so.. Figured I could oblige."

Before he even thought about it, the words, "I'll go," had already slipped from Tony's lips. But the look on Steve's face told him all he needed to know; it was a sick kid, which meant probably a dying kid. Which meant it was probably cancer. He cleared his throat, turning to twist the water on. "It's no big deal," he muttered under his breath. "People die. Just figured this kid would rather meet a cool super hero like Iron Man instead of Captain Lame-oh." Insults. First defense.

Steve simply grinned, though, and for a moment thought about reaching out to ruffle Tony's hair. Better judgement told him that would just hurt the poor man, at least while his headache was still present. "Alright," he said with a shrug. "I'll leave you to your shower then. Try not to drown, you wouldn't want to break any hearts."

"Am I going with you, then?" Tony kept his tone light, uncaring. Although, as much as he tried to pretend, he really wasn't sure how well he'd handle a hospital full of bald little rugrats going through chemo. "I mean unless this kid doesn't like real heroes, that i-"

"Oh shutup," Steve cut in with a smirk. "I'm a genuine super freak, remember? Not a tin can built by a millionaire. I'm sure they'd much rather see me."

"Billionaire," Tony replied in a sing song voice, obviously beginning to feel a little better. With no shame at all he dropped his drawers and hopped into the steamy water, ignoring the way Steve cleared his throat in obvious discomfort. The way Tony saw it, this was his bathroom. There were plenty of other people Steve could be watching right now. Of course, who could blame him for watching Tony, the man was an absolute masterpiece Well. Maybe Tony was tooting his own horn a little bit.

The click of the door told him Steve was gone, and so against the tile he leaned, a deep sigh escaping his chest. "See ya, you big lug," he muttered to himself, trying to enjoy the way that the water slithered down his back, finding it's way into ever nook, cranny, and scar. Something was up with Tony lately, even he was willing to admit that much. Something beyond Pepper, beyond not being able to find a solution to a problem.

The problem was, Tony had always looked to Pepper as some sort of reasoning behind all his madness. Everything he did, he did because she was going to back him, no matter how crazy it was, no matter how loud the argument got. And on that same note, she was the reason why he didn't do things. Because she'd never forgive him, or because she flat out put her foot down. Tony had been living his life as though she was still here to do it, and perhaps that was what had broken it all down for him. He'd finally realized she wasn't. That was what helped him to break free, helped him to become playboy Tony Stark, alcoholic, life of the party. Everything had been going so well those first few weeks.

But again, Steve had fallen into the picture. Just when Tony was sure he'd pushed him right on out of the frame he'd poked that stupid blonde head of his right back in. Tony had been doing so well on this downward spiral, and Steve had come to the rescue like the big, stupid super hero he was. What was worse, he cared. Steve really cared about Tony, and in some ways his attitude towards Tony reminded him of Pepper. Just like that his downward spiral didn't seem like such a great idea anymore.

"Fuck you, Rogers," Tony sighed into the tile, before standing straight once more to get this damn shower over with, so he could slink right back to bed. This time, not in the bathroom. 


	3. Always More

[As promised, Chapter 3! I know I said I'd avoid angst, and I'm trying, but until Tony gets over himself (which should hopefully be within the next few chapters) it's going to be a little awkward between them. Don't worry next chapter is probably gonna be a lot less angsty! So anyway, I did my best to keep this fight as realistic as possible. I asked my friend who's like the ubermarvelnerd tons of questions to get it just right with the fighting. Pyro realistically wouldn't have been there, but I wanted to throw him in because he was one of my favorite stupid mutants. Teehee. Anywhoser. Enjoy!]

The weeks waged on this way, Tony spiraling further into his alcoholism and repressed emotions, Steve watching helplessly and trying his hardest to be there for him. They were both wearing down, and Tony started to realize that if he didn't break Steve out of this cycle soon, it really might be curtains on their relationship. Not even with Tony's charm, with his flashy smile. Even at this point he knew he could never repay Steve for all the late nights, the elevator rides, or the tender moments that Steve would never talk about with anyone else.

Thoughts were interrupted as flames shot past him. Some dorky kid named Pyro had been causing a real commotion and his little mutant buddies decided to join in. From what the Avengers understood, the X-Men were on their way to handle things. Tony wondered if they were skipping merrily, or stuck in traffic, because it had been twenty fucking minutes of dealing with mutants, thank you very much. Which, honestly, Tony detested. Something about these natural freaks set him off. Of course, from the sudden pull on his suit, he knew he was screwed. Just who had invited Magneto to the party?

This time flames struck Tony's back, causing a startled yell from Steve. Since when had he been looking at Tony? "Iron Man, get your head straight!" he called, shield sliding upwards against his own mirror image. Boy, Mystique sure was a pain in the butt! Steve wasn't a fan of hitting a lady, but he'd learned to grin and bear it because of the numerous fights over the past two years with the team. She made it much easier by transforming into a man, but there was something eerie about beating himself up. He could hear the shield make contact with Mystique's jaw, which was now hi jaw, and he felt a tad bit of sympathy pain just thinking about it.

"I'm paying attention," Tony snorted irritably, firing off a shot at the annoying little flamer who'd raised the alarm initially. Cap was right, though, his mind was indeed elsewhere. His shot flew straight past Pyro's head and into the wall of a building instead. The pull on his suit was getting stronger, and he really hoped that Wolverine and his band of freaks arrived soon.

Mystique noticed the opportunity and with Steve's attention elsewhere she was able to make the shift. Never look away from a recovering enemy, any rookie knew that. She was a little disappointed, the Avengers were usually more fun.

"Distracted are we, Captain?" Steve's head snapped back to her direction, where his clone had just been standing, but that wasn't his own voice. Iron Man stood before him, and it was a bit of a shock at first. But the shock was only good for a moment, hardly long enough, because as Mystique tried to flee she found herself flying- and not because of her new suit, because while she could easily pull off the appearance there was just no way she was shooting sky high with her feet. Nope, good ol' Cap had slammed his shield full force into her back, catching her a little off guard With her out of the way, Steve moved on to help Hulk take care of Toad. Their fight was getting downright ridiculous. Hulk was smashing just a little too much, and that hoppity little git was a little too fast for big Greeny.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that the good freaks arrived, and Tony was glad because his suit was beginning to compress. Metal trying to crush you was a little uncomfortable, but he wasn't ready to run off just yet. Tony needed this, needed to kick someone's ass, and his fist had already made contact with Pyro's face once. It all would have been fine, Tony would have pushed on and stayed until Magneto was practically on top of him. Maybe he would have even stayed then, tried to kick his ass knowing it was impossible, except-

"Iron Man, lets go!" Captain America, always the leader, was all but roaring at Tony. A glance around and Tony realized Thor was already busy convincing (and by that we mean taunting) the Hulk into following him, Hawkeye and Black Widow were already out of there, and the X-Men obviously had this under control. Pathetic. There was still more the Avengers could do, still damage he could inflict on this kids face. If only Steve hadn't yanked him up by the arm and dragged him off.

They didn't get far from the battle before Tony's struggling and cursing finally pushed Steve to his limit, and he effortlessly slammed Tony into a wall, up close to his helmet in seconds. Steve hated that thing. He wanted eye contact when he was yelling at Tony.

"Will you _stop_ with this reckless nonsense?!" Steve demanded, and he might as well have cursed at him. Except, Steve didn't curse. As Tony tried to turn his head, Steve raised a hand to smack the side of his helmet. "Jarvis, take the helmet off." Oh, Steve had used his Captain America voice. That voice that said he was large and in charge. The voice that just infuriated Tony.

"Jarvis, ignore that order," Tony insisted, and he was sure that Jarvis was no very conflicted. After all, he'd been given permission to follow Steve's orders. Tony just hadn't expected that to be used against him. "My skin doesn't need this extra sun, and I don't even have my shades."

"Jarvis, it's for his own good," Steve said evenly. "Take it off, now." There was a moment of hesitation, which most people might find unnerving when dealing with artificial intelligence, but Steve had grown a little fond of Jarvis. Then suddenly, there was Tony's stubborn jaw jutting out at him, set so that Tony was giving him the 'I'll never break' face that he seemed to wear so well. His face was exposed in all of it's perfectly unshaven glory, and Steve met his glare with one of his own, refusing to let Tony push him away.

"Jarvis you're a fucking traitor and I am so reprogramming you when I get home," Tony snarled, breaking eye contact and running armor covered fingers through his hair, careful not to blast a hole in his skull even if it was a tad bit tempting.

"Tony you have to _stop_," Steve started, trying to speak softly, trying not to back him into a corner. Metaphorically, since he'd already backed him into a wall and was apparently refusing to let up. "You not giving a darn when you're home, that's one thing. You're safe there, I have time to help you. Out here I can't save you. You could get yourself killed, get on of us hurt. You've always had a habit for ignoring orders, but this is ridiculous. They didn't _need_ us any-"

Tony had reached his boiling point. "I am not a _child_, and I do not need a lecture from perfect Mr. Captain America. I'm a genius, I don't need you to tell me _right_ from _wro_-"

"This isn't a lecture, I'm worried about you, about how you've been acting in the field lately," Steve insisted. He wished, not for the first time, that Tony Stark was just and ounce less stubborn. And what was it about that face that made it so difficult for Steve to be stern? That stupid mix of hurt, betrayal, and yet understanding. Tony was smart enough to know that, yes, he was being reckless. For a genius he had a lot of dumb-as-a-door-knob moments. Never would he admit it, though, and never would Steve even try to point it out. That was a battle he could never win.

"I was fine," Tony replied, tone raising. This time his eyes snapped back to Steve's, again with a glare. "I would have cleared out before shit got out of hand. There was _more_ we could do, Steve, so much more we could hav-"

Before he could even realize how it would sound, before the pain twisted onto Tony's face, Steve shouted one of the most hurtful things he possibly could have.

"Tony, you can't always _do_ more!" Steve was inches from his face, nearly spitting with frustration. "Even you can't possibly save the day every time! Sometimes you're going to fail and it's not worth it!"

It took a few horrible moments. Tony looked as though Steve had just told him the entire world was ending. Except, Steve would later admit, that news probably still couldn't cause Tony to look so.. devastated. He'd never seen him look so close to breaking down before, but Tony quickly turned his hurt into rage. As soon as Steve realized what he'd said, he released Tony, trying to get the apology out before Tony could manage a reply.

"I'm well aware of that, _Rogers_," Tony all but whispered. That alone startled Steve. Tony was hardly quiet, especially when someone had insulted or hurt him. And Steve had just done both. "Pepper is dust in a fucking box somewhere because I can't save the fucking day every time remember So don't bother throwing that in my face, _Cap_."

"Ton, I'm so sorry. You have to know that wasn't what I me-" Steve tried, reaching for his shoulder.

"Go fuck yourself," was Tony's hollow reply, and at the moment it was the nicest thing he could think to say. Helmet snapped back over his face and he was shooting into the sky, leaving Steve hollering after him. Fuck debriefing, he needed to find something to destroy.

Steve watched him go, heart oddly heavy. He wasn't angry with Tony, not in the least. Instead, he was completely infuriated with himself. How could he say anything that would cut his friend so deep? He had a lot of apologizing to do. But Tony needed a wake up call. Today he'd been so unfocused, so.. reckless was such an overused word with Tony. Besides, he'd gone beyond the usual. Soft sigh escaped Steve and he glanced back to the pavement. Time to meet up with the rest of the team, and make excuses for Tony until Fury got a hold of him later.


	4. Firecracker

[Hey fans! I can't believe I can say that. I have fans. Teehee. Anywhoser, I wanted to say a few things. First of all, Staind songs fit Tony and Steve so well. Like Right Here. And sort of Outside. Oh god. So many.

Anyway! I'm gonna try to keep uploads scheduled to Sundays and Wednesdays. Meaning updates like today, they're extras. Aren't you feeling special? ;) The more reviews I get, by the way, the more extras you get! Because it's nice to hear that you're happy with how things are going. If you ever want to chat, or just generally wanna see how goofy I am, feel free to pop by my Tumblr. thatpocketlint. Yep, that's where you'll find me.

See you Sunday, maybe sooner if I feel like cranking out another chapter before then!]

Steve had made it just over a week, allowing Tony his space, his time to avoid him. As Steve had never moved into Stark Tower with the rest of them, it was even easier for Tony to pull a complete vanishing act. Of course, even if Steve had lived there, he knew all too well that when Tony Stark didn't want to see you he fell off the planet. It would have been quite awkward not being able to find the man in his own home.

It had been tense when Tony had showed up two hours into the debriefing, with his suit scratched to bits and some glowing artifact clutched tightly in his hands. The screaming match that should have happened between Tony and Directory Fury was instead a one sided thrashing from Fury. No one knew how to react as Tony just stood there and held his tongue (for the most part, anyway), drumming his fingers casually and nodding every now and then. It must have unnerved even Fury, because towards the end of his one-sided argument he sort of.. faded off. What worried Steve was the smile Tony shot straight at him. Like everything was fine between them. As if Tony hadn't just come painfully close to clocking the Captain straight in the jaw.

Now here Steve stood, just outside of the door to the labs that he was certain Tony was hiding in. No one had seen him in four days? Yep, he was on another one of his binge-inventions. Whatever he was working on, Steve was about to yank him away one way or another. Besides the need for food, and sleep, he was sure that if he'd been drinking to help contain his appetite he'd need a shower. And badly.

Steve reached forward to find the door locked. He frowned. Well, Jarvis had been relatively quiet. Time to get his attention. "Jarvis," Steve called in a friendly tone. "What's the hold up here? I have the codes to bypass. Tell me Tony didn't honestly try to reprogram you?"

"No, of course not," Jarvis replied, although he seemed a bit sulky. "Though he did keep threatening. Don't worry, Captain Rogers, I'll let you in. Be careful, he's in one of his moods and you know what that means. Very friendly until you say the wrong thing."

Steve smiled. It was strange to think that one of the people who knew Tony best wasn't a person at all. There was a clicking sound and the pressure between his hand and the door was gone. Steve slipped inside, eyes shifting among the piles of projects. Tony really needed a break. Finally his eyes settled onto on very frazzled looking inventor, although of course Tony hadn't noticed his company. He was far gone to the world.

"Fucking _bullshit_," Steve could hear Tony muttering, as he tossed a part over his shoulder. What it was, Steve couldn't even guess. "It's no worse than..." Voice got lower, and Steve couldn't understand. He inched closer, but there was no need, as Tony's voice had picked back up. "_Nobel fucking prize_, can't even fuse..." Finally, Steve cleared his throat, trying not to smile at Tony's ramblings. He was still in hot water with him, after all, and Steve wasn't in the mood to piss him off any further. Not until he got a proper apology out, anyway.

"Tony," Steve called, stepping closer. When Tony simply continued to mutter and throw things. Steve closed the space between them. Chest nearly touching Tony's back, his arms slid in front of the man and grasped him by the wrists. Tony didn't even jump. This was a familiar dance to him at this point, as Steve had needed to break him out of his own little world many times. It was better Steve did this from behind, because some of those tools were dangerous.

"Oh hey, Captain Firecracker," Tony all but yawned, exhaustion hitting him now that concentration was broken. He was doing everything he could to continue working, but there was no way. Steve's grip was pretty firm. Stupid Super Soldier, that just wasn't fair.

"Captain Firecracker?" Steve asked, leaning over Tony's shoulder to try and figure out just what in the world he was building. These gadgets had always fascinated Steve. They'd been part of what had brought to pair together. Their friendship was all but pulled from the womb and spanked in these labs. It had started with Steve popping in, quietly watching as Tony tinkered away. Then he began asking questions, every now and then scooting closer to get a good look. He might not ever understand the things that Tony was trying to explain to him, but when the genius brought it down to average intelligence for him, it was pretty neat. Soft sigh escaped Steve. Things were so simple back then, weren't they? He was tired of all the fighting between them.

"Captain Firecracker!" Tony repeated. It was going to stick, he was sure of it. "It's this red, white and blue popsicle. I had one a few days, thought of you instantly." Steve scowled. As if that was the first popsicle joke he'd heard! Of course, he had to admit, it was one of the more clever ones. Now all Steve was worried about was how long Tony was going to drag this out. His tone told Steve it was going to last for weeks, if not months. "So, you going to let me go anytime soon, or should I get comfortable? Because if I need to get comfortable, I'm gonna need more scotch. And _you're_ going to need to stand a little straighter, a little closer, so I can use your_ big dumb chest_ as a pil-"

"Tony," Steve said patiently, and he couldn't hold the grin back. Even though this was a wall, even though he could tell Tony was still annoyed with him, he wasn't letting him off that easy. "Drop the tools." It took a few moments, a lot more muttering from Tony, but finally he released them, letting them hit the table with a clang. Scowl didn't have to be seen by Steve, he could all but feel the annoyance radiating off of the man before him.

"There, Cap," Tony said, sounding quite defeated. He didn't seem to have the energy to play cocky. Which was pretty bad, because this was Tony Stark here. "Now, can you go so I can finish up? I've got a couple more things to do and then I'm done. Two a.m. tops, I'm sure of it."

"What are you even working on?" Steve asked, and it was honest curiosity. "I mean, did Fury put you up to this, or is it just one of your usual inventing sprees?" It was strange how easily he forgot what he was down here to do. Where was that big apology he owed Tony?

"Mutant shit," Tony said with a shrug, and he tugged away from Steve's grip, turning to lean against the table and actually look at the Captain. Tony really needed to shave, although Steve didn't mind the rough look. Sometimes, when Tony shaved, he just looked too.. clean. He was anything but. "I'm fed up with those bastards being such a pain in the ass to deal with. Especially that walking magnet, but I can't even fathom where to start with him. He's such bullshit, all high and mighty with powers that are like, what, untouchable? You know, if that Xavier douche bag would have just _bucked up_ and_ kicked his a_-"

"You're rambling, Tony," Steve told him softly. He hadn't realized just how close they were. With Tony facing him now, it was a little awkward. It wasn't that Steve was against the idea of being close to the man. Heck, maybe he'd even enjoy a few touches that lasted a moment too long. This friendship was budding into something more, and Steve had given up on trying to put a stop to it. But Tony was in no frame of mind to handle it right now, and Steve wasn't even sure if he could imagine trying another relationship after Pepper. Especially with someone who could so easily be harmed in a battle, taken, or lost in some freak accident. Frozen Captain wasn't exactly a great lover.

"Right," Tony said, reaching behind him to grab his glass of scotch and taking a gulp. "Anyway. So I came up with a few things. For example," he said, raising a hand and twisting away from Steve, reaching for the opposite end of the worktable he'd been at. Tony held up an arrow, obviously something he intended for Clint. "This."

"An... arrow," Steve said with a slight nod. "Nice. You know they invented those before even I was born, so you're a little late to the ga-"

"Shut up you twit," Tony groaned, rolling his eyes. "Not a regular arrow. Jarvis! Demonstrate." Tony pointed to a dummy in a room shrouded in glass to their left. Suddenly it burst into flames. Steve didn't have to ask if that was to represent Pyro, he was pretty sure Tony was still annoyed about the kid. On a stand across from the dummy was a crossbow, which fired one of the arrows Tony had created. It sank into the flaming material, and within seconds there was a small explosion. It looked as though a fire extinguisher had just burst, and Steve realized that was exactly the point. He grinned again, giving a satisfied nod.

"Well there you go, Tony," Steve insisted, nudging him. "You have an invention to come out of here with. So why don't you take a little break, just a few hours to eat, shower. I'll even make you a sandwich. How about we hit Shawarma? Maybe a little sleep, then you can come right back down."

"I'm not ready to go just yet, Firecracker," Tony responded, placing the arrow back on the table. "There's still.. more." Hesitation. It threw Steve off, and his features softened. One hand reached up to ruffle Tony's hair, and Steve tried to smile at him.

"You have no idea how incredibly sorry I am for that, Tony," Steve told him, and Tony hated that Steve's honesty was never questionable. "I would never intentionally hurt you. _Don't_ give me that look, I know you better than you'd like to admit. It hurt you, Tony. And I'm supposed to be your friend. It's just.." He groaned, and threw his hands in the air. The way Tony was looking at him, as though simply amused, it was so frustrating. "You're so... _Tony Stark_." They shared a smile at this, and Tony even allowed a short laugh. "But lately you haven't been Tony, and that's the problem. You're scaring the shit out of me. It's not like your usual drinking, or your disregard for your safety. You've thrown everything to the wind and I'm just-"

"Steve." Constantly cutting each other off, weren't they? Tony reached up to place a hand on his shoulder, meeting his gaze. "Listen. I get it. I was... being very reasonable." Stupid. Being stupid. "And you were trying to be caring." No, you were being caring. And sweet. And a great friend. "And you've been there a lot lately anyway. We're both stressed out or whatever." Very stressed, we both need a few cigarettes and a lot of alcohol and maybe I even need to cry. "It's fine. I forgive you. So please, stop, because listening to you try to come up with an apology is just painful."

Steve chuckled and shook his head. Not because of what Tony had just said, but because of all the things he hadn't said that Steve had still heard. Without even pausing to think about it, he snaked an arm forward and tugged Tony into a hug. Steve didn't care that Tony tensed for a moment, but after a second or so he lifted his own arms to return the affection, although loosely.

"Alright, Steve, this is sufficiently awkward," Tony mumbled into his chest, although he wished he had half the honesty that Steve did, because he would have admitted this was horribly amazing. "You can stop. Any time. Maybe now. What do you think? Now? How about _now_?"

Steve just continued to laugh silently, before letting him go. "Now you get upstairs, get away from the lab for a bit, or you're getting hugged again," he warmed in his stern, Captain America tones. "I mean it. I won't stop next time. You'll be stuck here, just staring at all the tools you could be using but won't be able to because I'm _still_. _Hugging_. _You._"

Tony marveled the fact that Steve had come so far. From so serious and over the top, to more lax and carefree. At least, when he was here, with the others. With Tony. "Alright, alright, you win, Firecracker," he groaned. "Hmm. Think Clint will catch on to that? Yeah, I think he will! Ohh, wait until _Thor_ gets a hold of this one. Gotta love the big oaf, for a God with extensive brain damage he's not so bad."

Before Steve could punch him, Tony had already twisted around him and towards the door, leaving the Captain staring after him. He didn't understand their relationship, not for one moment. These ups and downs were so.. worth it in their own weird way. A week ago Tony had hated his guts, but now they were back to how they used to behave. Steve was still on thin ice, that much he knew, and he was so screwed if he insulted Tony that way again. It didn't take long for him to follow behind Tony, leaving the inventions to be forgotten until another day.

[LOOK. A POSITIVE HAPPY ENDING TO A CHAPTER. Tune in Sunday for what happens next. We'll be seeing more of the other Avengers. Also, this goes straight from a notepad to here. I edit as much as I can find, but if you notice something out of place let me know. I know it bugs some people. I'm one of them.]


	5. Captain Blood

[Right so. I was going to upload this one Sunday and then wait for the party until Wednesday. But, you know what? After reading this chapter, while I feel some of the parts in it are pretty important, I also feel that it's not as important as the next chapter. We're building up slowly but surely to the juicy bits. I have the next few planned out. Don't worry, just because we hit one climax doesn't mean there won't be another. I defy the laws of story writing. +_+

Also you'll notice that Steve's favorite movies are Star Wars. I've noticed that in a few fanfics, and I would like to say I love the idea. I'm not claiming it as my own original idea, but whoever did come up with it is a genius. It makes total sense that Steve would fall in love with a series with space craft and weaponry like this.]

Things started to change slowly but surely between Steve and Tony after their moment in the lab. Tony was still running from party to party getting wasted, to the point where he hardly remembered his own name let alone what he'd done all night. But Steve noticed that it was dropping from nearly every night, to every other, and eventually to every few days. It might not seem like a large improvement by any means, but everyone was content and not nearly as on edge as they had been around the ticking time bomb for the last few months.

Still the hints were persistent, promising that Tony's inevitable nuclear meltdown was getting closer. Especially when he was drunk. Tony was good with walls, had always been able to throw them up and reinforce them when sober. But a bottle of scotch and a few shots of this and that later, and those walls began to crumble. The frustrating part was, Steve and the rest of them could practically sense the impending doom, knew it was on an any day now basis, but all they could do was watch and wait. Someone had to be there to catch Tony. Someone had to be there to stand him back up, dry his eyes, and cradle his sanity back to health. Steve was determined to be that someone.

The months dragged on though, and soon Stark tower was covered in snow. This, of course, meant only one thing: Tony was hosting a holiday party. It was a win win situation in his eyes, because it meant he had a real excuse to throw a party without the arguments from his team, and he could try and find a way to bring them all together without worrying about offending religion. Tony was.. well, Tony, and didn't really have a holiday to celebrate. Although, Christmas was a fun idea. Presents. He could never say no to presents. Thor was viewed as a God, which made it pretty awkward when you got down to the real, religious Christmas. Tony knew Steve was still processing that thought, and felt it was better not to push it by causing an argument. The others.. well, he didn't care to ask what their veiws were. They were probably silly. Science was the only thing that Tony worshiped.

No one would be showing up for the next several hours, though, so what better way for Tony to pass the time than by sitting next to Steve on the couch, arguing about Star Wars with his hand shoved into the popcorn bowl. Because without food, it wasn't half as fun, of course.

"Look, Steve, I'm just saying that the first three, which were the last three or whatever, would have been so much better if they waited a few more years-" Tony was saying, hands flailing out of the popcorn and causing quite a mess as young Anakin was busy doing something totally uninteresting on the screen. Steve was so mind blown by all the weapons and spaceships. Tony had to constantly remind himself that his Firecracker was indeed born and frozen in a time when the world was just learning how exciting technology could be. But half of the things Steve got excited about were garbage! Tony wanted a day when he could whisk him away to California to visit The Tech Museum. Taking Steve somewhere like London or Paris for a lesson in technology might be a little overwhelming.

"The graphics are fine, Tony, if that's what you're going to try and argue again," Steve insisted, giving Tony a gentle shove. Well, gentle for Super Serum Steve. It still sent Tony sideways, bouncing off of the empty couch cushion to his right and straight back into Cap. There was a tense moment where Tony's hand braced against Steve's side, fingers dipping into the ridges where the tight muscles slipped between bone. Tony did his best not to think about what those ridges must look like, and Steve was busy trying not to suck in a deep breath or turn so Tony could have easier access. Dear Lord, the sexual tension, these accidental touches, the way Tony's reactor shone through his shirt... They were going to ruin Steve. Tony was already planning on picking up some pretty looking stud tonight at his party, but Steve had absolutely no idea what to do on his end aside from find a bottle of lotion.

"I was..." Tony trailed off, because what point had he been about to argue? Hand quickly withdrew from Steve's side, which helped to clear the fuzziness of his thought process slightly. throat cleared, and Tony wished Steve was clueless and couldn't tell just how flustered he suddenly was. "I was just going to point out, Cap, that CGI technology has improved immensely in the recent years. I mean, the fights alone could have been probably ten times better-"

"No way!" Steve said, recovering slightly. "Look, they could have maybe done 3-D if they would have waited a little longer, okay, since that's the big thing anymore. But from what I hear they're redoing all of them in 3-D anyway-"

"But they shouldn't have to remake them, they should have just waited a little longer," Tony insisted stubbornly.

"No, look, Tony, you don't understand." Steve couldn't hold the frustration back, his tone was soaking in it. He was arguing with Tony Stark, which was the most painful experience he'd ever had. Tony would never stop, not even if Steve made a solid point. But Steve couldn't help himself, he just wanted to win once, just once. "If they'd waited around, they'd still be putting movies out right now. Besides, there's never going to a point where things stop improving, so even if they had waited you'd still be making this argument."

"Arguing with you is like explaining to Stephen Hawking that is black hole theory is totally wrong, which was by the way so-" But Tony never got to say exactly what it was after all. A pillow had plastered itself to his face, and he could feel Steve shaking with silent laughter right next to him. Maybe they were a little too close, after all. Tony dropped the pillow to find Natasha, Cling, Thor, and Bruce glaring at them.

"I care not for your reasoning behind you strange opinions, Man of Iron," Thor said irritably, and Tony realized it must have been him who'd thrown the pillow to begin with. "If you must continue your silly ramblings with Captain Rogers, then please, be quiet about it."

"Besides, Firecracker over there loves these movies and you know it's just cruel to insult them in his presence," Clint chimed in, snickering as Steve shot him a glare and a groan.

"Can we all just shut up for fifteen minutes?" Bruce asked, rolling his eyes and trying not to get irritable himself. He didn't mind Tony and Steve so much, because they'd eventually quiet down. But Bruce knew that within seconds of Thor and Clint jumping in, Natasha and himself would get pulled in as well. Suddenly the movie would be forgotten. Bruce didn't object to the idea of goofing off with everyone usually, but he was still a bit nervous about tonight. Tony had insisted he make an appearance, and of course Bruce had faltered to Tony's persuasive skills.

Everyone settled back into the movie. Everyone but Tony. He twitched his fingers slightly, trying not to continue on. But he just had to make one final point real quick, because... Well, honestly, because he was Tony Stark and he could not leave an argument unsettled. Of course, saying that it was because he was Tony Stark was usually his go to explanation for everything.

"Honestly, Steve," he whispered, leaning his head slightly closer, eyes still plastered on the television. "I get your obsession with the space ships, because you haven't exactly been on one or anything. But the weapons, those silly light sabers I could probably come up with one of those with my eyes closed, but I wouldn't because hello, have you seen the shit we use?"

"But the guns shoot lasers," Steve replied, pointing to the television as this was demonstrated. "The only time I've seen anything like that was the guns Hydra had, and even those were cool, although terrifying as heck. I mean, yeah, your suit does much more but this movie is just so..." He paused, trying to think of the right words. "Look, if you really want to see a movie that would flip you inside out, try watching Captain Blood."

"The title says that movie is probably awful," Tony muttered. "What's that from, the dawn of time?" Okay, he probably deserved the punch in the shoulder he got for that.

"It's from nineteen thirty-five," Steve replied, sounding slightly hurt. Tony turned his head and was relieved to see that Steve was just pulling his leg, he was amused. "Back when we called them picture shows."

"I will watch that movie if you let me get very, very drunk first," Tony promised.

"Sort of like you're going to tonight?" Steve countered.

"I'll have Jarvis find it before the party," Tony said with a slight nod, stepping right up to the challenge. The two turned their heads to stare at one another for a moment, and shared another smile. Then they were looking back to the television, as if nothing was incredibly awkward and they weren't way too close. Steve might have usually been uncomfortable. But this was Tony, and after a while it was hard to get uncomfortable with anything he did, because that would just become exhausting. "We'll sit there while I insult that movie until I pass out," Tony added quietly.

Steve shook his head and flicked Tony on the arm, wanting him to shut up already. Of course, the movie only lasted another twenty minutes anyway. A popcorn battle broke out, ending in quite the mess. No one had to point fingers, because Tony was proud to march around referring to himself as Count Orville, bringer of pre-popped death. Everyone was in high spirits, even Tony, and the whole group seemed to give a collective sigh. For the moment, the world wasn't spiraling into chaos, the fragile friendships seemed to be holding fast through their assaults, and Tony... Tony looked genuinely happy.

Of course, no one could really fathom that this was the beginning of the end.

[Alright! So again, see you Sunday with the next chapter, which should hopefully be a little more exciting than this one. The tension between our boys is starting to build! Just need to set the right moment, don't we?]


	6. Broken Glass

[I violently apologize for not uploading this last night. VIOLENTLY. WITH VIOLENCE. Okay it's not that serious, but still. Lemme give you the lowdown, so you kind of understand. I'm pregnant, have been for a while, won't be much longer. One of the many joys of being pregnant is there are some days when you hardly want to get out of bed let alone plug in your laptop and focus on something. That being the case, honestly I didn't feel like doing anything yesterday and so I sort of.. failed you guys. I apologize. But I think this update, and the next few, will be really exciting. Plus this chapter is a little longer than usual, so it's not too bad! :D]

Tony's parties always were a little over the top, weren't they? Steve kept reminding himself of this as he looked about at the half-naked women in Santa-resembling outfits and elf uniforms. Drunk was not the word for any of the guests, and Tony topped them all as usual. Steve was trying not to stare as he danced on top of the bar with two young ladies, beginning to do a strip tease for all to see. As soon as the arc reactor shone from his chest, Steve was making his way through the crowd of cheering fans. It wasn't that he didn't want anyone else to see Tony naked, that would just be.. ridiculous. No, it had nothing to do with jealousy. Steve just didn't want Tony to have to deal with the press, was all. Right, Steve. Right.

"Firecracker!" Tony called cheerfully as Steve looked up at him, and Tony didn't even falter at the stern glare he was receiving. "C'mon up, I'm sure 'veryone would love to see you flex those muscles-" He stumbled, though, and luckily Steve was there to catch him because he would have surely gone spiraling backwards and into the rest of his half-empty bottles. Steve's grip on his elbow was firm, controlling, and Tony wasn't sure if he liked that or wanted to clock him right in the face for it.

"I think you ought to get down now, Tony," Steve said, voice much softer than his features. Honestly at this point he was ready to kill the man, because Tony had already had a few close calls tonight. Perhaps it was because Steve was constantly reminding himself that all Tony had was the suit, but he often found himself in overprotective mode when it came to the man. "Come on, you've had your fun dancing up there, it's time to maybe start slowing things down. Still wanna watch that movie, right? Can't if you're unconscious because you bashed your head on the floor." They both knew that Steve was only being polite, because the grip on Tony's elbow was strong enough that the man would be able to pull him down, and Captain had pretty good luck with catching people.

Tony met his gaze, even though he had to keep searching for the right one because, okay, Steve had at least four gazes right now. What was that all about? Oh right he was drunk, it made total sense. Finally he gave a defeated nod and allowed himself to be helped down, much to the dismay of several young women and a few men who were pretty excited for the show they were about to get. "Sorry 'vryone, good ol' Firecracker wants me to keep my- to.. to keep my..." Suddenly he was laughing, at a joke he hadn't even told yet. "My innocence, my virtue?" Everyone else seemed pretty amused with this, too. Not so much Steve, though.

"Alright, Tony, you've had your fun," Steve said quietly, trying not to push him. If Tony thought for one minute that Steve was about to give him a lecture or try to make him do something that Tony hadn't thought up on his own, then Tony would rebel. He had to be delicate with this. "You know, I think you wanted this to go what, another half hour?" Good start, Steve. "Then you wanted everyone out, didn't you? So we could go watch that horrible movie and throw more popcorn?"

"Steve," Tony replied, turning to face him as the crowd dispersed. Eyes shone with something strange, something that both terrified and absolutely aroused Steve. "Dance with me." It wasn't a request, and Steve found himself being yanked to the dance floor. While it was something totally upbeat and not at all formal, Tony soon had his head on Steve's chest and one hand in his, guiding Steve's free hand to his hip. Steve was.. well a little baffled honestly. He really shouldn't be condoning this, but Tony was behaving himself and not tumbling off of high objects. Steve could casually sway back and forth to an upbeat song if that was what kept Tony from killing himself.

"So where'd everybody go?" Steve was yanked from his own thoughts as he realized Tony was saying something else. "I mean, I know.. I know parties aren't really a thing with you... people." Steve tried not to chuckle at Tony's obvious lack of thought process. "Bruce, I figured he'd be gone but not even Thor stuck around to drink me under the table?" He hiccuped slightly, glad that he had something to hold him up. Without Steve he'd probably be in a pile of his own vomit right now.

"You'd be proud to know that Bruce actually left and came back," Steve told him. "The first time he only stayed for about twenty minutes, but then he found his way back down and stayed for maybe an hour? Don't think he'll be back, though, he was kind of fidgety after the second time." Was it really so strange to dance with Tony? Sure, Tony was Steve's brother in arms, his comrade. They'd saved each others backs on so many occasions Perhaps it was more-so the thoughts running through Steve's mind. The way he wanted to lower his hand, pull him close, allow their shirts to ride up so he could press their skin together.. He cleared his throat, trying to shake the thoughts off. Not today, gay thoughts. "Lets see.. the others, Thor got a call from Jane. Actually they should be back by now, she was in town, he wanted to pick her up and bring her to the party. And as far as Clint and Natasha.. I think they just wanted somewhere a little more private." Just like Steve did right now. The things he'd teach Tony about himself were things he honestly wouldn't feel proper describing.

"Glad they enjoyed 'emselves," Tony said with a grin, swaying slightly. When was the music going to change to something soft so that slow dancing would make sense? "Sounds like they're still enjoyin' 'emselves. Kinda what I had in mind tonight..." He trailed off, remembering his own seven minutes in heaven moment with an adorable blonde a little while ago. He'd reminded him of Steve as he'd rocked his hips back and forth, watching the golden strands shift with the movement and the bobbing. It had worked to soothe his hunger for a little while, at least, but then Steve had to be right there in front of him again. "Course then you tricked me into your ridic'lous movie."

"Hey, you don't have to watch it with me," Steve replied, and was a bit surprised to find that his tone was a little tense. He knew Tony was joking, of course, so why bother getting upset with him? Perhaps it was the alcohol that had all but replaced Tony's blood at this point. "I mean... You know, I don't want to hold you back from a good time..." But Tony was already looking at him questioningly, obviously wondering what was up Steve's ass. Steve just cleared his throat and refused to meet Tony's gaze, because that could just be dangerous right about now.

"I think it'll be a better time than I'd have with a stranger," Tony replied solemnly, but just like that he broke away from Steve. "Anyway. Gonna finish the party, sober up a bit. Then we'll go watch. Sound good?" He didn't wait for Steve's reply, he simply found his way out to the balcony, Steve watching helplessly as he stumbled into the night air. Stupid. Stupid, Steve. What a nice moment it had been, too. Still he knew that Tony wasn't ready for the relationship idea, not until he finally realized that Pepper was gone. Steve was patient, he'd watch and wait. He'd already waited this long, after all.

It took a moment or two, but Steve finally gave an unhappy sigh and made his way out onto the balcony as well. Steve refused to leave it at that and have Tony be grumpy with him for the rest of the night. Looking at the man in the moonlight, hands shoved into his pockets as he swayed back and forth gazing at the stars, Steve couldn't help but just stop and really take a good look. Alright, perhaps it was because he hadn't really whacked it lately, but Steve found himself having so many incredibly strange fantasies. How beautiful would Tony look with moonlight reflecting off of his arc reactor, sweaty and gasping against Steve? Steve gave a slight shiver before once more clearing his throat and stepping forward. Tony didn't even turn his head.

"What d'you want, Steve?" Tony asked, tone dry and uncaring. Oh, no, Steve had put him in a bad mood. Exactly what he hadn't wanted. But Tony was hurt, and since he didn't like to let others in on that information, he was going to just toss up the walls again and act indifferent. That usually ended in rage, but Tony didn't have the time to really think about that right now. His mind was having enough trouble convincing his dick that it needed to calm down, because tonight was definitely not the night that he was going to take Steve to bed.

"Come on, Tony, stop," Steve said, voice half pleading and half annoyed. "I'm sorry, I'm just... you know parties aren't my thing, I'm a bit on edge?" It was a poor excuse and they both knew it, but at least it wasn't a complete lie. "I really want to watch this with you. I can't convince anyone else to share my time with them, because they're too obsessed with the new technology, the new movies, hell the new games." But he'd gone and done it again, and he could tell in the way Tony twisted and glared.

"So I'm the last resort, then?" Tony questioned, as though it didn't bother him at all. "Guess that's understandable, started off hating each other. Haven't exactly been the best of friends lately, have we?" Just when Steve thought things were going well, and he had to hurt Tony's feelings while the man was completely trashed. Steve sighed, rubbing his temples with one hand.

"You won't let me be your friend anymore, Tony," Steve replied, trying to stay calm. "You've been pushing me away, and don't deny it because I know you. But guess what? No matter how hard you push, I'm still standing right here. You can't just shut us all out because you can't cope. We want to help you, Tony, but you just keep-"

"I don't need to cope," Tony snarled, voice quite high as he stepped forward to jab a finger into Steve's chest. "I'm fine. You all look at me like I'm going to shatter at any moment. Pepper is dead." The words hurt, and Steve could see it, but Tony had said them. And maybe this was some of what he needed. "I'm not stupid, Steve, I know she's dead. I know she's long gone, and guess what, I'm over it." Not at all true, both knew that. If he was, Tony wouldn't be getting himself so wasted all the time, wouldn't be doing everything that would have pissed her off. But Steve didn't dare cut him off, because this was a bit of a breakthrough. He wasn't even upset with Tony for yelling at him anymore. "I don't need to be constantly on watch, I'm not going to do anything stupid. People die. Everyone, in fact, everyone dies. Pepper was no different." Except it wasn't her time, he didn't add, and it was still his fault. That was the part he knew he'd never be able to say out loud. It was entirely Tony's fault, at least in his mind.

Steve could have sworn that he saw Tony's eyes watering for a moment, but as soon as Steve blinked it was gone. Close, but no cigar, it seemed. Steve gently reached out, hoping his apology would come across right. "Tony," he said softly. When Tony refused to look at him, refused to even let him touch him, Steve yanked him forward, lowering slightly to his level. "Tony, listen to me gosh darn it." He had come quite close to using the Lord's name in vain, something that only happened with Tony anyway. "You know darn right well that's not..." He sighed when he saw Tony open his mouth to argue and just shook his head. "Fine. You don't need to cope. But you can't blame us for worrying about you. Whether you want to be or not, you're our friend. You're our stupid, Iron-headed friend who we all care about. Now listen, I do not wanna fight with you. Please just forgive me, you can yell at me in the morning. I just want to go watch that movie with you, alright?"

It took a moment, but finally Tony's breathing settled back to normal and his features softened, even if it was only a bit. "Right," he agreed with a hesitant nod. "Just.. no more lectures tonight. Deal?"

"If it will keep you from being mad at me, then yes," Steve said honestly, and Tony couldn't help but smile. Stupid Firecracker just had a way of gaining Tony's forgiveness without even trying. One day Tony would figure out how to keep himself in a bad mood with the man for more than two minutes.

What Tony did next, though, surprised both of them. "Listen, Steve," he mumbled, leaning forward and swaying slightly. "I wanna try that hug thing again. This seems like the right moment, doesn't it? Lets see if it's still weird." Without further warning he wrapped his arms loosely around the man's waist, head leaning on his chest. Tony honestly thought he might fall asleep that way, and he was doubly sure of the idea when he felt Steve's arms wrap around him as well. There was something in the way that Steve held him that just felt.. What was the word? Amazing hardly described it, safe just sounded girly. Nice. He'd go with nice. "Still kinda awkward," he confided, but didn't pull back until a moment later.

Steve grinned, ruffling Tony's hair and steadying him before turning towards the door. He could hear Tony stumbling backwards, but figured he was good. The cracking of glass told him differently.

Steve spun on his heel immediately, eyes wide in horror as he saw Tony against one of the glass panes that made up the rail to the balcony. Tony looked at him with a dull realization, a pained smile on his face. He didn't have his bracelet on, he thought as he began to tumble backwards, the shattered glass falling with him. Steve's strangled cry was the last thing he heard as he felt a hand clench his ankle, and he swung upside down, head slamming into the concrete base of the balcony.

There was quite a bit of commotion in the moments following. Steve hadn't had time to run to Tony, so instead he'd dove forward and grabbed the only thing he could. He hollered for help, and found Thor at his side within moments, on high alert. Apparently the Asgardian had just returned. Steve pulled Tony back over the edge, cradling him in his arms and shaking him slightly. It wasn't until he felt blood pooling in the crease of his elbow that he really began to panic. He was screaming Tony's name, but the man wasn't even flinching. Thor stepped in just as it looked as though Steve was going to shake him to death, a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Captain Rogers, it is most important that you get him to the medical division," Thor told him in a commanding voice, something that Steve needed right now. "Jane and I will handle the people of the party, and you make sure the Man of Iron is taken care of." He waited for Steve to give a broken nod and stand, legs already numb, holding a limp Tony in his arms. Steve wasn't sure he'd ever run this fast in his life, not even when the good Doctor had been shot. If anything happened to Tony.. Steve could hardly stomach the thought.

[Oh look at that! Suspense! What's that, don't update this week? Leave you guys to wonder for a while? ;) No, no, I kid. Leave reviews, please, let me know what you think so far! Tune in Wednesday (YES, you're going to have to wait until then) and you'll see what goes on next. Tony seems a little unstable, hmm?]


	7. Learning to Apologize

[Hey there everyone! I love leaving you little messages before the chapter. Because you rock, and you help to drive me to continue this little project. Not sure what I'll jump to next! Ugh, I can't imagine writing another one, because it will clash with my original.. But don't worry, the end isn't in sight quite yet! Anyways, thank you all for the reviews you leave. They make my chest burst. 3]

Tony awoke with a headache unlike any he'd ever had from a hangover, and so the first thing the inventor did was launch into figuring out what he'd done last night. Eyes refused to open, because if this was a hangover, Tony was certain that light would drive the nail straight into his coffin and through his arc reactor. At least it would be a nice coffin, he mused, and millions would weep for him. Tony wondered just how drunk all of the mourners would be. If Tony was going out, there better be a party in his honor. Loud, lengthy groan escaped him as he tried to lift his head, surprised to find the pain coming from the rear. This wasn't a hangover at all.

"Man of Iron!" Thor bellowed, causing Tony's eyes to snap open at once. Definitely not a hangover, he decided once and for all, because the light hardly bothered him aside from the usual I-just-opened-my-eyes feeling. Then, of course, Tony realized he was in a nice little hospital room. Tony had been wondering what that incessant beeping was. At least his heart was still beating, meant he wasn't dead. Eyes settled onto the God of Thunder, but before he could ask any questions Thor had launched into an epic tale of Tony's stay at the hospital so far. "Captain Rogers will be most joyous to know of your recovery! He just ventured away from your side to purchase more of the coffee beverage! We have had many since last night. Such a wonderful beverage! He has refused sleep, although you refused no such thing. I am surprised to find you with your eyes open."

Tony made a mental note to have Steve's sanity checked later. Not only had he bought Thor a coffee, he'd allowed him to have many cups? Thor was high strung as it was, thank you very much. "What the hell did I do to myself?" Tony asked, finally pulling himself into that sitting position that his body had been fighting against. The room was spinning, his head was on fire, but he was not going to lay back down if he had any say in the matter. Tony happily reminded himself that he had quite a bit of say, and he'd simply have to charm anyone who tried to say else wise.

Thor opened his mouth to give another overjoyed response, but their attention was drawn to the doorway by a hesitant, "Tony?" Steve stood there, carrying a tray with three coffees. He'd been buying one for Tony with every trip he made, just in case Tony woke up. The relief on his face almost made Tony's heart leap from his chest, and he realized that if Steve didn't stop being so damn adorable (albeit terribly infuriating) he was going to jump that mans bones. The look on Steve's face though... was he really that worried? Question was answered as Steve closed the distance between them, coffee discarded on the table. Tony was surprised at the sudden embrace, but for once he wasn't complaining. Before he could adjust to the moment, though, wrap his own arms around the Captain, Steve had pulled back and punched him roughly in the shoulder.

"Ouch, the hell was that for?!" Tony demanded, meeting Steve's fiery glare with his own. Tony was in enough pain, thank you very much, and did not have the patience for Steve's mood swings after having just woken up in a very confused state.

"Because you're such an... an ass!" Steve hesitated at the words, but seemed to take some odd relief in cursing at Tony. Honestly, Tony found that horribly adorable. Of all the possible things that Steve could have called Tony, he chose ass? Well, they'd work on it. Tony would teach him how to actually cuss one day. Once more Tony opened his mouth to spit out a snarky reply, but Steve wasn't done. "Do you have any idea how worried we all were? I almost didn't catch you, I felt your ankle slipping from my... You and your alcohol, you almost killed yourself and you look like you don't even care-"

Tony tuned out the rest of the lecture, trying to remember what he was being yelled at for since it seemed that Steve wasn't going to actually explain. The party.. right, he'd been drunk. Big surprise. There was that amazing closet action, a little stripping on the bar top, arguing with Steve.. again, big surprise. After that, though, what? Tony racked his brains, and then it him him. His head cracking against the underside of the balcony, he could feel it again. "Oh shit," he breathed, one hand lifting to feel the stitches on the back of his skull.

"Yeah, 'oh shit' and a few other choice phrases," Steve grumbled, holding a coffee out for Tony, who accepted it gratefully There was a moment of tense silence between them, as though both were unsure whether or not they should start arguing or hold their tongues. Thor seemed to sense this.

"Man of Iron, I am overjoyed with your recovery," Thor said happily, giving a slight nod. "I am sure the others would also be merry to hear the news. I will visit with you later." He didn't forget his coffee, of course, and grabbed it before slipping out the door.

The silence drug out for a few moments, driving Tony a little insane. He didn't want to argue with Steve, not after the man had saved his life last night. Finally, fed up with the fact that Tony couldn't think of a thing to say, he swung his legs over the side of the legs and began tearing monitors off.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" Steve inquired, trying to keep Tony planted firmly in that bed. "You're supposed to be cleared to leave before you start walking around. What if your head is something really bad, and walking... hurts it...?" Alright, he hadn't really thought that one out before he said it.

"Steve, the logic behind that idea is practically non existent " Tony replied, pushing Steve's hands away and standing. Damn, his legs felt like jello. "If I don't need a hospital after I get back to America from my little camp out in the hills of the desert, I don't need a hospital for a head wound. I feel stitches, so they've done what they can. No sense sticking around for monitoring." Tony gave up his search for shoes and waved off the frantic nurse who'd come rushing in at the sudden decline in his vitals. "Come get a burger with me." Tony wasn't requesting, because at this point he knew he had some serious apologizing to do. He wasn't going to do it without food to soften his mood, though.

Steve looked as though he might refuse, but Tony offered him one of those charming smiles he kept reserved for special occasions Very few people could say they'd seen it. Steve rolled his eyes as Tony added a flutter of his lashes. What was he going to do with himself? Steve really needed to learn how to say no to Tony. Which meant, of course, that ten minutes later they were strolling out of the hospital in silence, Tony looking awfully smug with his hands shoved in his pockets and Steve mentally kicking his own ass.

Neither spoke for the remainder of the walk (Tony had asked Happy to pick them up at a burger joint down the street) and even when they reached the restaurant all that Tony said was, "Two of your greasiest burgers, with fries and two cokes." Then he and Steve were sitting across from one another in... silence. Steve tapped his thumbs together, and Tony fidgeted, neither wanting to make eye contact. Tony was never one to cave and break a silence. Unless it was between himself and someone he really cared about, or really hated. Well, he certainly didn't hate Steve.

"You really that pissed at me?" Tony inquired casually, as though he was informing Steve that he had blue eyes. Tone might be perfectly level but it was what Steve saw in those brown eyes that made his heart melt and his anger ease slightly.

"Not... not entirely," Steve said, sounding slightly defeated. "You have no idea how awful it was to.. watch you slip over the edge like that. I honestly thought I wasn't going to reach your ankle in time. So I don't know if I'm mad at you, as much as still sort of in shock." Steve paused, taking the first sip of his soda, throat suddenly dry. "Then I yanked you up and you were bleeding everywhere. Well okay not everywhere. But it was bad."

Tony couldn't help but feel a little humbled at this, and even though he was doing his best to come up with something hilarious to insert into the conversation.. He couldn't. He just couldn't. Not when Steve was running a hand through his hair like that, looking as though his entire world was ending. "Steve," Tony mumbled quietly, reaching across the table to grasp his hand. He didn't care how strange it was, what it might look like. "I'm sorry." That was all he could manage, because he wasn't used to giving an honest apology. Tony didn't have a big speech to launch into, not yet anyways. Get a few beers into him, maybe he could come up with something a little better.

Steve was a bit shocked at the sudden apology, but he smiled and squeezed Tony's hand. "Alright, then," Steve said with a nod, and released Tony from his grip, leaving the inventor to be just as confused. Alright? Alright what?

"So is that an apology accepted deal?" Tony asked, quirking a brow. "I don't.. I mean are we cool? Because I cannot for the life of me figure you out. I can pull apart machinery or come up with wacky designs for some incredibly complex electrical device but put Steve Rogers in front of me and expect me to understand where we st-"

"Tony," Steve said between chuckled. "Yes. Yes we're fine." He paused, and it was obvious he had a plan working itself through his mind. Tony braced himself, sure he could handle whatever scheme Steve had up his sleeve. "But I need you to promise me you'll slow down on the alcohol."

Well. Tony's jaw dropped at that one. Because, he hadn't been asked to make a promise since.. since Pepper had died, actually. He cleared his throat, obviously completely thrown off. "Steve I don't keep promises," he muttered quietly, refusing to make eye contact. "But whatever, I'll... try to limit parties to weekends or something." It was obvious Steve wanted him to look at him, but no. Tony just couldn't. Because he knew that their friendship was definitely teetering on the edge here. Something told him one more drunken night like this, and Steve wouldn't be there getting him a coffee in the morning. "Hey, look. I have to uh. I had a meeting this morning, gonna be late if I don't get there soon actually. So look I owe you that movie, lets watch it tonight or something. Just.. yeah." He cleared his throat again, ignoring the protests Steve was trying to voice. "Happy should be out front, I think the walk would be good for me. No, no, stay," Tony insisted as Steve made to stand. "I'll see you later."

Before Steve could really process what was going on, Tony was already out the door and down the street. Well, it wasn't a promise, but it was a start. Somehow he doubted that tonight would be movie night, not with the way Tony was acting. No, he was going to be avoided for a while. But every time Tony avoided him, Steve felt like they were better friends afterwards. Then they had these little setbacks, of course, and it felt like everything was about to crumble. Suddenly he wasn't very hungry at all, and Steve made his way out to the car to hitch a ride back to Stark Tower.

[So not exactly exciting. But then there's Sunday's update, which I think you'll all be excited after reading. Because Sunday's update is gonna be kinda awesome. Of course you might hate me at the end of Sunday's update, because then you'll have to wait until Wednesday for an even more exciting update... Oh, I know, the suspense. ;) Review away!]


	8. Spiraling

[As promised your Sunday update, except you get it a day early because I'm going away and I really want you to have this. Also, please note, that this entire story is a first draft. There's a 90% chance I'm going to go back and edit each chapter when it comes to a close, so that it gets better. I usually try to leave you a note before and after. But I won't have much to say at the end of this chapter. We're delving further into feelings, something that I've been looking forward to. You have to realize, my Tony and my Steve are as close as I can get them to their characters while including angst. Tony is a broken man, but he's (and it's mentioned a lot in all my chapters) Tony fucking Stark. Walls should be his middle name, but of course it's fucking. Totally. Steve is pretty intelligent, he's not just some meat-head soldier. Remember him removing the pin from the flag pole? Yeah. Give the man some credit. Not to mention, he cares about others, in a way that most of us probably don't understand. He doesn't just wear the spangles, he _is _the American dream.

Anyways, the point of that was, you'll notice that I'm pushing a lot further into their thoughts in this chapter. And then you'll read the end of it, and you might understand why. After you get over your initial hatred of me for making you then wait until Wednesday to see what's happening next.]

Just as Steve had thought, that night did not end in a fun movie on the couch, pressed a little too close for comfort together. Instead it ended with Steve setting off on a difficult game of hide and seek, claiming victory when he found Tony curled around the toilet holding an empty bottle of Jack. Steve wasn't angry. He'd been expecting this much. Steve knew Tony well enough to realize what this was, especially when he'd stepped up to Tony's side and heard him whisper a very pathetic, raspy, "M'sorry." Tony was going out with a bang. Because Steve had asked him to slow down, Tony had refused to come find Steve for help when he'd finally realized he was drunk enough.

Sure enough the next morning, Tony was bright as ever (after a few hangover remedies, of course) dressed in a loose maroon button up, a pair of shades over his eyes, and black jeans. Casual. Nothing had changed, he was going to go ahead and act that way until even he believed it. That night, Tony and Steve watched Captain Blood, which was exceptionally painful because Tony did this sober. Steve was happy to award him with small touches, affectionate glances here and there, and Tony could have only been happier if he wasn't so confused about the Captain.

The problem was, Tony had given up on fighting the feelings that were rapidly trying to crush him. He wasn't stupid, with how many people he'd romanced in his days he could tell that Steve cared about him. That alone should have been great, should have urged Tony forward and helped him to urge Steve out of his clothes and into his bed. Tony wasn't ready to stop being a playboy, though, and Steve deserved much more than what Tony was willing to offer. Not to mention, the last time he'd gotten his shit together, taken down the walls and let himself dive head over heels, it had ended with a very broken Tony left in the ashes. Tony wasn't exactly ready for a second heartbreak, not when the first was still in the process of shattering. For now, Steve and Tony kept each other with small shows of affection, both knowing that now was not the time to push the boundaries of their relationship.

Tony also seemed to have given up on pushing Steve away, something that the Captain was never going to complain about. This was not only because Steve had the capabilities to be more stubborn that Tony, but also because the idea of Steve not being a constant part of his life was now a thought that physically hurt Tony. For the first time, Tony was willing to admit (silently, of course, and only when he had a drink or two in him) that he needed someone just to be there. That someone was Steve, and he'd known it all along it seemed.

Steve certainly wasn't arguing with the changes. Days turned into weeks, and two months later (a few dozen or three battles and countless scars, suit repairs, and general mayhem thrown in as well) Tony was still keeping his unspoken promise. Drinking was a weekend affair, and most of those weekends he arrived home still having the capabilities to get himself to bed. That didn't stop Steve from helping him there, and Tony never once complained.

Today was something totally different, though. Clint and Natasha were off on S.H.I.E.L.D. business, meaning they hadn't said where they were going or even hinted at when they'd be back. Bruce had taken a weekend in the mountains, since letting out his inner Hulk so often in the past few weeks was beginning to wear on him. And his wardrobe. There wasn't enough thread in the world. As far as Thor, well, Jane liked to keep him occupied, something that Tony and the God of Thunder often shared quiet laughter and knowing looks about. This meant Steve and Tony were left to their own devices. Naturally, Tony decided to take it upon himself to drag Steve out of the tower. After a little arguing, they were headed to Tony's Malibu home, both welcoming a change of scenery. Tony was growing tired of the city, not something that was known to happen often.

Thus they were left standing awkwardly in the living room. Tony hadn't realized just how awful this home was anymore. That damn couch, he'd almost died on that fucking thing. Every time he stepped out of the house, all thoughts to buy a new one were suffocated by his memories diving over one another in order to repress each other. As long as he didn't think about it, then it never really happened.

"Right," Tony cleared his throat, slicing through the silence. "Just. Uh. You and me, y'know. All weekend." God, why did Steve have to look so sexy in those khakis. This was probably Tony's worst idea yet. Drag Steve to a romantic house on a cliff. This wasn't going to end in disaster, he was sure of it. Wow, when did the voice in Tony's head become even more snarky than the billionaire? "If you can't find me, the lab is downstairs. But, y'know, I won't try to ditch you or anything."

"Tony." Something in Steve's voice nearly made Tony shudder, but he looked over at him anyway, trusting himself not to buckle at the knees. "Why are we here if it freaks you out so badly?" It was an innocent question, at least Steve pretended it was by forcing his features to go soft, eyes slightly wider than usual. Fuck, he was a good little actor wasn't he?

"Doesn't," Tony replied automatically, shoulder shrugging. "Really don't know what you're talking about. You just look a little awkward, trying to make you feel at home here. I mean, this is my home, so of course I don't feel uncomfortable. That would be weird, since, you know, I sometimes live here." Except, what neither mentioned, was that he hadn't really lived here since Pepper's death. Aside from the memories of his near death here, every direction he turned Pepper was there haunting him. Every time he blinked he felt like the breath was being sucked out of his lungs. Tony hadn't realized how little it felt like home until now.

Steve watched the way Tony exhaled, saw the walls trying to strengthen. No way was he getting locked out, not when it was just himself and Tony. No one to interrupt him so Tony could find an excuse to break away from his lingering touches, no one to complain about a movie that the two were enjoying, drawing closer and closer until they could almost feel each others breath mingling with their own.. And no where to Tony to escape. No, this was getting to be much on even the Super Soldier. He was going to help Tony find his breaking point, he was going to push him over the edge, and then he was going to pick him up. Steve had made so much progress with Tony, but he was tired of this standstill. Something had to give.

One hand snaked out to grab Tony by the shoulder, spinning him and giving him a stern, yet understanding look. "You're horrible at avoiding questions with me these days," Steve offered, deciding (perhaps because of the hurt that shone so obviously in Tony's eyes) to let things drop for now. "I'd say you're getting old, but then I'd be a dinosaur wouldn't I?" No, not even a smile from Tony? Ouch, this was a step backwards. Well, one step backwards meant Steve was going to push for two forwards. "Anyway, show me your lab." At Tony's questioning quirk of his brow, Steve shrugged. "I've never been here. Just wonder what it's like."

"Nothing compared to Stark tower," Tony said with an indifferent shrug, but he was oddly excited. Of course it was nothing compared to Stark tower, because this was his home, this was his lab. Perfect for Tony, and preferred to the larger ones that were often crowded with other people. Call it a sanctuary if you will. "But c'mon, it's right down these stairs." He broke away from the physical contact with Steve, and the Captain paused to watch him. Tony was so close, he could almost feel it. The worst part was, imagining Tony in tears pressed against his chest was probably one of the most arousing thoughts Steve had ever had. The big man had always had a thing for a damsel in distress, and Tony was always in distress. Steve wanted to fit the peices back together, help Tony learn how to cope with his guilt and his pain without drowning himself in bottles of alcohol. When Tony looked back at him expectantly, Steve followed behind, down the steps and into the.. wow.

"You said that out loud, you know," Tony chuckled, smirk popping up for the first time that night. "It's not that amazing. Something simple. Simplistic is actually really nice if you do it right." Tony looked affectionately from one side of the room to the other. Honestly, he'd put a bed in here, if not for the fact that he would literally never leave it if that ever happened.

"I know, that's why it's so surprising," Steve replied, one hand in his pocket as the other combed through his hair. "I never really expected Tony Stark to have anything simple, especially in a house this.. magnificent." Then again, Tony was a constant surprise. Steve really needed to remind himself of that.

"Well, want to see some of the stuff I'm working on?" Tony was hopeful, because it meant that Steve would stop talking, stop questioning, stop probing. Sure enough, Steve drew closer, and soon Tony was launched into some lengthy description of a new way to filter water he'd come up with. Every now and then he'd realize that he'd jumped into science talk, and would have to go back and re-explain something, but Steve was patient as he looked at the beginning stages. These computers were so fascinating, and even though he could now operate his cellphone without too many problems and most of the technology was something he was becoming up to date on, these schematics and crazy monitors that Tony had would probably always be a mystery. "And then we'll have such an easy time getting clean water to these people who don't have it, I just need to make sure to get a few rich investors behind it. Imagine, all I have to do is tug their wallets a little, explain that the press coverage will be great, and they'll pay out the ass for something that's not half as expensive as I'm telling them it i-"

"Tony." There it was again. That ridiculous tone that made Tony break away from all thought, eyes snapping up and focusing on Steve's face. When had they gotten so close? If he would have leaned forward slightly he might have accidentally kissed Steve! The thought was both exciting and absolutely awful at the same time. Depending on the party, of course, because Steve was thrilled to think they were only inches apart. Then Tony was pulling away, mumbling something about cleaning up the work table. Steve sighed, running another hand through his hair and trying not to look irritated. It wasn't Tony, it was just this damn tension. "I really think that's an amazing idea. You've done a lot to help the world lately, you know that? Maybe you should think about helping yourself for a change."

There was a tense moment of silence, where Tony tried to think of something snarky to throw out there. He helped himself just about every night, and sometimes others helped him. But no, he wouldn't say that to Steve. Because it was Steve fucking Rogers, the one person on this whole stupid planet who could yank the snark right out of him just by saying his name. Steve was a frustrating son of a bitch, that was for sure, but Tony was not about to admit that. Something told Tony that Steve would take too much pleasure in having that little bit of information.

"I've got a lot of making up to do for the people I didn't help," Tony said with a shrug, refusing to look at Steve now. "All those weapons? A few filters and some clean power sources, a few fights in the city... well, none of that makes up for it. I'm not done helping people just yet." He cleared his throat, realizing what he'd just admitted. "You know, I mean. My wallet, too, it kinda enjoys all the inventions and crazy shit I've been up to lately." Ah, there. Perfect save, right there.

"T-" Steve began, but now Tony was getting angry. Steve could only pull this shit on him so many times before Tony's defenses were finally built back up, and it looked as though they'd reached those points.

"Just stop," Tony hissed before he could even get another letter out there. "Stop prodding, because I'm fine. I don't know how many times I need to explain this. I get it, the serum made you big and bad, but I don't think it made your skull this thick." There was that snark, and it was not going away now that he'd remembered how to use it. "I don't need to help myself with anything, Captain, because I'm sitting pretty fucking pretty at the moment. I have everything a man could want. Money, power, admirers. I'm a playboy, living the dream. So stop trying to force some sort of realization out of me because it's not going to happen."

Before Steve could grab him, Tony was slamming the glass door and taking the steps two at a time. He heard Steve start after him, but at this point he was in no mood to deal with it. Maybe they should just go back to Stark tower and avoid one another. Chest ached at the thought, and Tony realized with a pang of annoyance that this was an empty threat. Within moments Tony was huffing against the door of his bedroom, staring out towards the ocean. A moment to calm, and he was heading out onto the balcony, a hand slipping carefully over his face. Tony just needed a moment to compose himself, and then he'd go back down and act as though none of this had ever happened. Eyes shifted to the small bar in his bedroom, and he licked his lips. It was a weekend, and one glass of scotch wasn't going to hurt him. At this rate it was the only way he wasn't going to break something.

Fifteen minutes later he was sitting in a chair on the balcony, gazing out as the stars reflected off of the endless waves. Dammit this was beautiful. Tony had decided to go with a nice glass of bourbon, although he had only had a few timid sips. Tony's mind was somewhere even he couldn't pinpoint. Maybe it was the house, maybe it was Steve, maybe it was just the whole situation finally getting to him but Tony.. ached. The arc rose and fell a little sharper than it usually would, but Tony wasn't crying. Nor would he be.

Tony needed someone, and he couldn't trust Steve to be that person right now. Throat cleared, ignoring how tight it had suddenly gotten. Tony just.. needed to call someone. All he wanted to do was return to Steve, bury his face in the mans chest, allow their body heat to mingle and form into one aura. Tony hated, and no not disliked, _hated _this new found power of Steve's where Tony often thought that Steve was right and Tony was _wrong_. Stark men were never wrong, especially this Stark man.

It wasn't that Tony hadn't come so close lately, and he was more and more aware of the fact that something was going to be his breaking point. Probably something simple, seeing as this fucking house hadn't done it. Perhaps that was what he'd secretly been hoping for when he'd arrived, that just being in the same room where they'd sat on the couch for hours on end talking about a mix of work and love, or curled close against her and inhaled her shampoo at night, or hell even where she cooked him such amazing breakfasts and..

His chest tightened, and Tony was back to shutting down. Alcohol was drained in a moment, and he really thought about getting up to get another. First he needed someone to talk to, while he was still in his right mind, and even though he couldn't place the name he knew the number by heart. Tony was having a difficult time controlling his thoughts right now, and it seemed he could not for the life of him figure out _who _he was dialing, he just knew they were very important.

Tony wasn't sure how long it took to punch in the number, because it felt as though his fingers were suddenly frozen. Perhaps he should have taken this as a sign, but he felt as though if he didn't get this call out within the next ten minutes he was going to lose his happy little mind. What was left of it, anyway.

One ring and it was going to voicemail. He should have hung up right then, because what was the point of leaving a _sober _depressed message? No, that wasn't Tony Stark's way, he should be at least half lit right now. But then the voicemail message was playing, and Tony didn't recognize the sob that reached his ears, because it was a sound he'd hardly ever heard himself make, especially sober.

Because there was Pepper's beautiful voice in his ear for the first time in two years, and that was the last thing Tony had been prepared for.

[...

...

...

;)]


	9. Crashing

[Okay, so I bet you're all like. OH COME ON HURRY UP. Sorry it took so long I had to buy a ham and a turkey for Thanksgiving tomorrow and then there was just. Things. THINGS MAN. So anyway, the following chapter is sort of.. like.. a bit walking angst storm, okay. I mean it's a breakdown. It's a Tony breakdown, mind you, so it's not exactly all out because. You know. Big bad Tony with big bad walls and stuff. Anyways, enjoyyyy!]

"You've reached the voice mail box of Pepper Potts." There was a pause here, because she was trying to stifle a giggle. Tony was standing in the living room all over again, arms wrapped tight around the beautiful redhead. He could feel her skin against his finger tips, because her shirt had been riding up just right and her dark blue hip-huggers were so tight against her- "Please leave your name, number, and a brief Tony-" His name was nearly silent, and if Tony couldn't remember the exact moment, his finger tips playing with her soft sides and trying to coax some laughter out of her, he wouldn't have noticed. Still it sent a shiver down his spine, and another sob rocked his body.

"A brief message," Pepper continued, sounding as though she was getting playfully annoyed, "and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!" The last bit was little rushed, because Tony had succeeded. God, that laugh was so beautiful. They had argued for a full fifteen minutes about whether or not she should keep the message or try again. Tony won in the end, of course. Tony was shocked back into reality at the beep. He should have hung up right then and there, not put himself through this torture. But instead he cleared his too tight throat for the hundredth time since this call had started.

"Pep," Tony finally gasped, feeling as though he might vomit. God he wished his glass wasn't empty. "Pepper, oh _God,_ Pepper." One hand slipped up to dry burning eyes, but the floodgates were already opening. Still Tony held fast, refused to lose it. "I'm so.. God it's _beautiful_. To hear your voice. I didn't know how much I..." A moment to drag in a rugged breath, because good God he couldn't possibly keep talking if he didn't. "I miss you. I've tried so hard to figure out that fucking cure, it's just some _simple fucking science_ and I can't even-" Another sob at this, because Jesus he'd never opened up about this. And now he was confessing to his dead girlfriend. "I wish you were here, now, because I need your help. I know you probably don't want to hear about it... Please, know, I love you, and I would never replace you, Pep, never could. Never can. It's just... Steve... Fuck I think I'm_ falling_ for him, and you'd know what to tell me, what to say, how to say it.. You could tell me what to d-"

"We're sorry," cut in the mechanic voice. "But you've exceeded the permitted time limit of a voice message. Please hang up and try again."

Frantic, Tony did exactly that the moment the phone cut off. He couldn't dial the numbers fast enough, crying out right now, because fuck his pride he needed to hear her voice again. Tony needed to finish this, because if he didn't get this off of his chest he really was going to be no more good.

"We're sorry, but the voice mail box of the number you are trying to reach is full." What an automated bitch. Heart sunk at the words. "Please hang up and try again."

Tony listened to the static that seemed to drown the silence, although he knew it should be barely noticeable. Suddenly the phone cut, and the busy signal began to buzz in his ear. All of the weight on Tony's shoulders seemed to lift only enough to slam back down and snap him like a twig. Within seconds the phone was slammed against the concrete of the balcony, taking an odd thrill as he watched it shatter. He tried to scream, but the only sound to escape him was another rough sob. Pepper was gone. Really gone, which Tony had always known. But now it was so official. Pepper's voice on the other end of the phone, it had only solidified the fact that he'd never have her back. Everything Tony had wanted to tell her the day of her death, all the things he'd been too proud to say.. This was all too much.

Steve's attention was first caught by a flash of something moving past the window outside, barely visible in the darkness. He paused mid-sketch wondering just what on Earth that had been. The unidentified object was followed by a potted plant, and Steve went pale when he saw a wicker chair fly by.

Steve took the stairs two at a time, not even pausing to knock. He barreled through Tony's bedroom door, racing onto the balcony. Tony had the other chair lifted over his head. Steve only paused for a moment. What had gotten into Tony? But this was what he'd been waiting for, right? Steve closed the gap between them, grasping the chair tightly before Tony had the chance to send that into the darkness as well. Tony wasn't sure what the hell was going, but he turned to wrench the chair from whatever had caught it.

One look at tear stained cheeks, bloodshot eyes, and Steve nearly crumbled himself. God, Steve had never seen Tony look so vulnerable before. It was so beautiful, but absolutely terrifying. Steve took advantage of Tony's shock, tugging the chair completely away and discarding it beside them. Tony was breathing ragged, short breaths, trying to silence his sobs. Fuck, why did Steve have to be here?

"Go the fuck away Rogers," Tony hissed, trying to sound convincingly malicious. The waver in his tone and the quiver of his lip didn't really help him there, sort of threw the idea out the window.

"I'm not going anywhere, Tony," Steve said quietly, carefully lifting his arms, open wide in case Tony hit bottom that hard. Steve wasn't holding his breath, though. With the way Tony was acting, he was going to try and fix himself before he really let loose. "C'mon, lets go inside." When Tony tried to instead twist away, Steve took a step closer to the shaking mess of a man. He wasn't at all surprised when Tony's fist tried to slam against his cheek. It wasn't hard to catch his wrist, careful with his super strength, yanking Tony forward. To hell with it, Steve was making the choice for him.

As soon as Tony's face made contact with Steve's chest, a sharp breath was sucked in by both. This was so right. Steve was here, Tony could rely on him. Could open up without fear of Steve pushing him away, or thinking less of him. Tony just slumped against Steve, trying to make his cries as silent as possible. That wasn't really working out for him, because as soon as Steve's arms tightened slightly around him, fingers gently tracing against his spine, Tony's crumbling walls finally deteriorated. Tony hated this, hated being a crying mess. Especially in front of Steve. Captain fucking America, his brother in arms. Tony was a man, a Stark man, and that meant he couldn't behave like a sniveling child this way.

"Tony," Steve whispered softly, chin resting against dark hair. "Just let it out. I won't let go, alright? No one will ever hear about this, I promise." How he'd known exactly what was going through Tony's head was something that Stark wouldn't question, because he was afraid that the answer would drive him up the wall. Steve ached to grab Tony's chin, kiss away his tears. Hearing the sobs grow harder, feeling the shaking become more violent. Steve finally pulled back just enough to slip two fingers beneath Tony's chin. Chocolate eyes were a strange mixture of empty and hopeful. Maybe Tony could convince Steve that sex was the best cure, all he had to do was suck it up and lean closer-

"Alright, I'm going to regret this..." Steve sighed softly, wishing he wasn't willing to resort to this. "But lets... lets get you inside and get you a drink, alright?" Tony needed something, anything to calm his nerves even slightly, though Steve hated to think this was the best he could give him. Steve might find this bittersweet, being able to hold him without Tony even thinking to push him away, but he would give anything to make him stop crying. Seeing Tony like this was a little painful.

Tony didn't need a second offer. He shot for the bar, only to find strong hands leading him to the couch. Tony tried to protest- While it was sweet that Steve was obviously willing to get him a drink, something told Tony that his original idea of a tall glass filled with everything behind the bar was probably out the door and over the balcony. You know, with the chair, and the glass, and the.. Oh the poor plant. That had been a gift from Hammer, it deserved a much more hideous death.

As Steve left his side to pick out a drink, Tony took the moment to try and compose himself. Dammit, this was Tony fucking Stark, and he was better than these tears. Better than a breakdown, better than.. He was able to coax himself out of sobs, but breath still hitched here and there as silent tears slowed to a drip. Desperately he tried to lock himself away, but every attempt seemed to drive a knife straight into his heart. By the time Steve was presenting him with a glass of scotch, Tony was completely defeated. One shaking hand held the alcohol long enough to drain it before setting it on the table for now. tony refused to look at Steve, couldn't stand the pity he knew would be there. Steve helped Tony meet his eyes by slipping one hand beneath his chin until Tony glared defiantly at him.

"Talk to me, Tony," Steve insisted, obviously refusing to release his jaw until Tony agreed. Silence stretched between them. Steve decided to try another tactic. "Stop trying to rebuild the walls. It took two years to get you to this point, if you bottle this up... it's going to be worse next time. You don't want that, Tony, no one wants that." Tony couldn't stand the warmth in Steve's eyes, in his touch, his voice. Steve made it impossible to pretend nothing had happened. Tony felt guilty thinking about pushing Steve away. After all the Captain had done for him, even right this moment, there was no way Tony could not give him answers.

"I called Pepper." Tony didn't realize he had finally spoken. Steve looked a little startled. "I... never cut her phone line. I don't know why, I just sort of didn't think about it. At the time it wasn't.." He trailed off for the moment, handing Steve his glass with a pleading look. Only when Steve realized that he wasn't going to explain any further without another drink did Steve nod and go to grab the bottle. Tony cleared his throat, because God talking really dried it out. "Didn't realize I knew her number by heart, really. So anyway, it went to voice mail. I guess I just.. didn't realize how much I missed her until after I heard her voice. It's _pathetic_ really. I mean, two years, and how many people have I re-"

"Stop," Steve said firmly, doing his best not to slip into Captain America tones. He was here for Tony as Steve, not as the super soldier. Not as the commanding officer. He placed the bottle on the table, before deciding he should instead pour Tony's glass. After all, he still needed Tony to drink in moderation. No getting completely shit faced tonight. "That's not true, Tony, and you know it. There is nothing wrong with hurting, you got me?" When Tony just made an annoyed sound and reached for his glass, Steve intercepted his hand. Tony's eyes flashed to him withing seconds, wishing his thought process wasn't so screwed up. "You loved her, Tony. Still do. There's nothing wrong with it. Now tell me the rest."

Tony hesitated, because now things were getting deep. "It's.. Look, it's complex," Tony insisted, but knew from the eye roll that Steve wasn't taking that. Of course it was complex, this was Tony they were discussing. "Pepper has just... She was the first person to know what I was saying without really saying it. Pep knew me inside and out, knew every way to control me while still letting me think I had the say in every matter. She was such a perfect friend, and then I fell in love with her. And God, she fell in love with me too. Something that's never happened before." A tear, and then another, and he was wiping his eyes again, yanking his hand from Steve's grip to grasp his glass. This time he took a sip, knowing all too well that the stupid Captain would be cutting him off soon.

"It's just.. Look, _you_ know what it's like to lose someone," Tony continued with a shrug. "It hurts. It hurts more than I could ever fucking imagine and I am a shitty human being for being such an ass for you when we first met. You had to go through this alone. Look at us now, we're great friends, I could have.. Been there, or something." And that was another one of those famous Stark apologies. Never did the word 'sorry' slip into the mix, but they both knew it was there. "That's why I've been back to who I was before I met her. I figured if I just kept fucking up, Pepper would somehow intervene, which is a totally ridiculous idea mind you because she's dead and death is-"

"Alright, Tony, back on track," Steve insisted, because he didn't want to get into the matter of life after death with Tony. One of the many things they could never agree on.

"It's.." Tony groaned, and to hell with it, he drained the glass. Because this was getting a little too open for his comfort, wasn't it? "I don't know." Why had he begun blabbering to Steve, anyway? But now that he'd started he honestly couldn't stop. "I heard her voice and I though, wow, I can tell her everything I've wanted to. Ask her all the things I need answers to. And then it.. it cut off and I just.." Tony shrugged his shoulders, mouth moving wordlessly as he covered his face in his hands, tears flowing and cries once more audible. He couldn't tell Steve what he was confused about, what he needed answers for, because he could tell by the way Steve held him, by the way Steve stroked his back and whispered comforting words, that it would just end with the two curled close to one another and swearing their hearts to no one else. Tony didn't want that, not right now. Or rather, he did. He wanted it more than anything. But it just wasn't good timing, was it?

"Tony," Steve whispered, and before either knew what he was doing Tony was in his lap, wrapped in tight arms. And Tony didn't fight it. Body went limp, because God this was so familiar in a strange way. Except usually Tony was the one holding someone, holding Pepper. Being on the other end was so nice. Safe. "What you.. what you said about it hurting." Steve cleared his own throat, because wow, when was the last time he'd talked about his own loss? "I wouldn't change the way our relationship started, or the way it has grown. I could have used a friend, but I was equally a... a... well, a dick to you back then. That's not even important anymore. The important part is, until I really let it hit me, I hated this. I hated being in this time, surrounded by this awful technology and the horrible people. Especially you." Oh, Tony didn't even snicker? Soft sigh escaped Steve, and he pressed on with his own little speech. "The point is, you're the reason I stopped hating it. Because you were there, even if you don't realize it. Showing me how to use my phone, enhancing the punching bags so I could use them for more than five minutes without them bursting. Simple things. Please, Tony. Let me do that for you. Let all of us be there for you, because it's not just me. We're all afraid we're going to lose you to yourself if you keep this up."

Tony couldn't believe that he'd just gotten such a confession from Steve. Because yeah, he made speeches, but they were usually some sort of motivational thing before a mission or a lecture after. Tony didn't answer. Couldn't answer, at first. Then, when he was sure he could speak without his voice hitching and making him sound like a pre-pubescent child, Tony looked back up to Steve. To hell with it. He placed a gentle kiss on the mans cheek, before patting him on the head.

"You're always here, Firecracker," Tony said with a shrug. "Even when I don't want you to be. I don't know how to go from here, if I'm supposed to keep talking about Pepper with everyone or what. Just.. if I'm going to keep talking tonight, I'm staying right fucking here. And no one ever hears about the time I curled up in Captain America's lap and cried like a baby, you got me?"

Steve grinned, and he honestly wasn't sure if it was from Tony giving him that soft kiss, or if it was because he was finally letting Steve all the way in. A short nod, and Tony was spilling his feelings again. This time, Steve got it from the beginning. It turned out to be a late night, Tony starting with Howard and then jumping to Obidiah, and finally talking for hours about Pepper. There were a lot of awkward silences when Tony would need a moment. Tony cried a lot, and Steve patiently rubbed his back and held him through it. There were even moments of laughter, like when Tony mentioned the time he'd accidentally set the lab on fire as a kid, because Howard had been mumbling some nonsense in his sleep that was actually impossible, but Tony had tried to make it work.

By four in the morning, Tony was half-lit but still able to comprehend all that was going on. The two didn't move from the couch, not until Tony's breath became even and shallow. Steve hated to move, but his back was hurting. To hell with it, Tony could complain in the morning. Steve found his way to Tony's bed, cradling the man close before lying him down and crawling in beside him. Because for the night, he'd gotten Tony all to himself. All he wanted now was to fall asleep with him. Maybe in the morning he could discuss the matter of their relationship, and how it was just downright cruel to continue calling it a friendship.

By the time Steve closed his eyes, he'd decided noon would be when they discussed things. Because there was no way he was waking up before then, and judging from Tony's obvious exhaustion the man would be out far longer. Arms tugged Tony closer, a yawn escaping Steve as he silently admitted that he could get used to this.

And a few other things, of course.

[Okay this is one of those chapters that's gonna get serious editing when I go back. I think I like how it turned out? I would seriously appreciate reviews on this one. I need to know what you all think!]


	10. A Threat of Advice

[I would first like to violently apologize for what's been going on. Alright I seriously owed you some chapters by now and I'm so sorry. It's just been really rough the last few weeks. ;; I found out my baby is a girl, which is greatt, but then I found out my husbands father, who we were renting a home from and eventually going to buy from, wanted to rip the house from under us basically. So we moved. To my parents house for the time being. Ugh, sorry to get all personal. But it's some legit reasoning. Not to mention, being pregnant sort of makes me feel down sometimes and I got really harsh on my writing after the last chapter. So I ended up re-writing this one like forty times.

I'd also like to say that ALL of you followers, that's right, all forty three of you, all eighteen of you favorites, all twenty-four of the reviews.. mean the world to me. You're all wonderful. I love you. I do this not just for me now, but for you. And I hope it's every bit as worth it as you thought it was when you started following this. c:]

"F-fuck, Steve," Tony all but screamed, throat raw and back arching to the Captain's touch. The tender look on his face was enough to melt the bearded man beneath him. Tony was doing his best not to sound like a woman, but good God, Steve knew what he was doing. Each thrust was pushing Tony closer and closer, and all he could do was lay there and take it. Lay there and let that thickness ruin his insi-

Tony's head shot off the table, and he actually threw what he'd been working on since morning. Which- fuck, it wasn't even a real experiment. He'd just been gluing things together. Metal bits, wood, paper clips, and nearly his own face apparently, because he'd fallen asleep right next to the puddle of glue. Soft sigh escaped him as he rubbed his hand against his stained pants and then through his ruffled hair. What the hell was he going to do with himself?

A strange empty feeling had been gnawing at Tony's insides ever since his little meltdown. Strange, because even though he felt as though something had been torn from within it didn't hurt. Oddly, he felt relieved. Calm, collected. A lot like his old self, minus some of the alcohol. Plus a lot more sharing.

As soon as the team had heard (not from Steve, of course, Steve would never unleash all of them on Tony, not the wonderful Captain) that Tony had finally accepted Pepper's death, they were all over him. Clint cornered Tony first, making an excuse about how his quiver seemed off. Tony didn't for one second believe him, but he'd taken him down to the lab anyway to check it out. Two hours later Tony was talking about Pepper, quiver laying forgotten and perfectly fine on the table behind them. It was nice, really, because Clint was happy to be hearing Tony so vulnerable, and shared a bit of himself as well. And, well, they were becoming friends all over again. Even though Tony had successfully pushed all but Steve away, they were all trying to work towards friendship again.

Natasha was... well. Alright, Tony didn't talk much about Pepper with her but they were able to be civil and watch television, which everyone felt was a good start. Tony wasn't questioning her identity any longer, which had started up again after Pepper had slipped. Thor was thrilled to have his drinking buddy back in good spirits and able to handle his liquor without going overboard (most nights) again. And Bruce... Well, Bruce was happy to have his fellow scientist back, and they were spending more time than ever working on experiments together.

The only one left with any confusion was Steve. He'd been looking forward to rolling out of bed at noon, making breakfast for the two, returning to eat and talk. The dream had nearly been a reality, except when he'd returned to the room with a tray stacked with pancakes (mostly for Steve), bacon (again.. mostly for Steve), and orange juice, Tony was nowhere to be found. A note explained that Fury had called for Iron Man, but Steve wasn't sure he believed it. Not until they had both returned to Stark tower later. Steve arrived annoyed and slightly hurt, and Tony arrived a bloody mess, suit scratched to bits and part of his helmet missing. Steve didn't ask, but he did feel rather guilty for being so mad at him all day. Maybe tomorrow..

But then Steve kept putting it off, and nearly three weeks later he was pacing back and forth in the workout room. Because he was Captain America. He had battled an alien invasion, crashed a plane into ice and lived to tell the tale, kicked the ass of thousands of Hydra agents- and really, asking someone to go steady should not be this big of a deal. Ugh, go steady? That wasn't even something they said in this time. This was exactly what he was worried about. Tony was hip, happening, he was the future in one glorious nutshell. And Steve was.. Well. It had been a while since he represented what America really stood for. Tony was everything that Steve desired, but was Steve really a good match for the playboy? Steve was sure he could break Tony of that title, but would Tony be happy with such an old fashioned man?

"Rogers, if you don't make up your mind and stop pacing, I'm going to personally put one of Clint's arrows through your eye," Natasha said politely, offering a smile over her shoulder as she maneuvered around poles and beams. Even though fighting was keeping her limber, she liked to get some practice in daily down here. "You're throwing off my concentration, and I really hate to fall. If you see it, you won't live to tell a soul." And the terrifying part was, Steve knew she meant it, playful tone or not.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Steve said sincerely, plopping onto the weight bench. Maybe that was what he needed, a nice long workout. Then he could shower, and head to the lab and say, "Tony Stark, I want to be with you!" The plan sounded swell for all of ten seconds, and then he was mumbling under his breath and wishing he could just crawl into a hole for the next seventy years.

"Stark." It wasn't a question, and she hadn't suddenly noticed him anywhere. Natasha knew. Just knew. That woman never ceased to amaze Steve. Of course, it was a little unnerving when someone knew the entire team inside out yet the team hardly knew a thing about her- aside from Clint, but he knew her just a little too well for Steve to be jealous of the idea.

"That obvious, huh?" Steve wasn't the type to brush things off and change the subject. She'd brought it up, she'd started the conversation. If she didn't want to talk about what was on Steve's mind, then she could easily excuse herself or end their little discussion. Instead, she smiled knowingly and gave a nod, lifting herself over one of the beams she'd been twirling on and doing a complicated flip in which she actually twisted in the other direction- something that completely astonished Steve. He was no acrobat.

"We had this moment, when he lost it," he continued with a shrug. "I thought that.. well, I thought maybe he wanted to be with me after that. But he avoids being alone with me like the plague unless he gets drunk. Then he's just begging to be held, and I don't know how to say no to him when he's got that face. Those beautiful eyes of his, and the way he starts to gri-"

"Rogers, stop," Natasha hissed, dismounting from her area and walking towards him. "I don't want to hear about your wet dreams. No offense, it's just not my thing." She grinned at the blush on his cheeks, and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. Steve flinched at first, sure she was going to flip him or use some crazy Russian trick to paralyze him for a time. But no, she was just being friendly. Wow, what the hell was happening to the group? "Go down to the labs and get your man. Before he slips out of your fingers. Got me? That's an order soldier." She gave a half-assed salute, turned on her heel, and was out the door before he could even think of a good response.

Mind was set, now. Natasha had boosted his spirits once more, and he was standing. Right. He was Steven Rogers, Captain America. Honorary leader of the Avengers. So why shouldn't he just waltz in and ask Tony to be his? Except he knew the answer to that. Tony would recoil at the idea. No, for now, something simple. Hmm..

"Dinner," Steve was saying fifteen minutes later, staring at the back of Tony's head and imagining not for the first time how sweet that image would be. Shirtless and sweaty. Closer to his body, and- Fist clenched, deciding that could come later. After he got Tony just where he wanted him.

Stark turned his head, a little surprised. He'd heard Steve walk in- his dear Firecracker wasn't one for sneaking. But what? Dinner? Like it was ready or what? He just quirked a brow, tried to come up with a good, snarky question, but the serious look on Steve's face threw him off.

"What about dinner, Firecracker?" Attention now completely on the man, Tony turned his body and leaned back against the table. "You asking me to make it? Cause I'm a lousy cook, and we'd probably all die." Ah! There it was, that was a good one. Hah. Of course it was good, Tony had thought of it all by himself.

Steve took a few steps closer, leaning in and bracing his hands on either side of Tony against the table. Tony suddenly looked uncomfortable, avoiding the mans eyes and running fingers through his dark hair once more. Jesus, Steve's eyes were really blue today. It was sort of ridiculous.

"Go to dinner with me," Steve replied calmly, surprised that after how nervous he had been he was doing so well. He wasn't even shaking. "I'll pay. Get out of this stuffy lab and enjoy some time with me."

"And the rest of the team?" Tony tried not to sound hopeful, but God, that sounded like a date. And as much of a wet dream as that was (especially the ending Tony would plan for) he wasn't quite willing to just say yes. But he also wasn't willing to break Steve's heart, not when he met those blue eyes and saw all of the hope and excitement in them.

"You and me, Tony," Steve replied patiently, trying not to smile. Because God, Tony could be so adorable when he got like this. "No talk about Pepper, no talk about the Avengers. No one to bug us when we start to get a little too close. Nothing to stop us from doing everything we've been wanting-"

"I've got a pretty busy schedule, Rogers," Tony breathed, trying not to tremble as he sat up a little straighter. Wow, there were those lips again. Always taunting him, weren't they? Hadn't they just been all over his body? Right, that was a dream. A very nice dream that Tony still needed to mentally relive. In his bedroom. Naked. With a little lotion and a lot of moaning. Throat cleared, and he offered a weak smile. "I mean, there's a lot going on y'know. Got inventions to.. to invent." Wow, pathetic.

"Friday at eight o'clock, then?" Steve wasn't giving up, and he could tell that even Tony was close to crumbling. All he had to do was shift a little closer, let their breath mingle, and-

"Alright, fuck, alright," Tony replied, pushing him back and trying to compose himself. "Good God I'll go to dinner with you. No big deal. Fine. Friday. It's a... dinner." No, he was not going to say date. Nope. Because with Steve, that meant commitment. And Tony was already plotting every way to get out of this.

"Why won't you just admit that there's something between us?"

Tony froze. Had Steve really gotten that gutsy? The look on the Captain's face said he was thinking the same thing. That was because Steve had been thinking that, but not at all planning on saying it out loud. Between them? Jesus, had Tony let this get that out of hand?

"I'm sorry, Tony, that was.. that was too forw-" Steve began, but Tony held up a hand and slipped into one of those signature Stark grins. Meaning it was completely forced. Meaning he was trying to build some walls between them now.

"We'll get to talk more at dinner, Steve," Tony said quietly. Quiet wasn't a good sign with Stark. "Just. I need some time to think, until then. Can I have that? Some time to think?"

"As long as you don't come sneaking into my bed at two am again to cuddle because you're so drunk you can't control yourself," Steve said with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. The flicker in Tony's eyes said he'd failed. Crashed into the ground and all the way to the Earth's core. That bad. "Right.. I uh... I'll see you Friday, Tony." Steve hesitated, before reaching down to tug at Tony's chin. Tony wasn't sure what he was feeling right now, but those weren't butterflies in his stomach.

Before Steve could move any closer, Tony was leaning upwards to meet the kiss that the Captain had obviously been toying with. A real kiss. Lips half parted, eyes closed, fingers behind Steve's neck. And this.. this was exactly what Tony had been dreading. Because it felt every bit as wonderful as it had with Pepper. Every bit as right. Steve was caressing him, pulling him closer, tongue exploring his lips but refusing to go any further. Tony didn't take control, didn't lead. Because he didn't want this to mean what he knew it did. He was falling into the deepest bit he'd been dreading; he was falling in love with the Captain. Fingers loosened, and Steve pulled back to smile softly at Tony. It took every bit of courage Tony had to smile back and fight the tears. Because goodness, crying over a kiss was something a woman did. But this hurt. This was fresh and raw. This was Tony reasoning with himself that love between himself and Steve would only end in hurt for both parties. Might as well end it before it even began and just hurt himself.

"See you, Rogers," Tony replied quietly, twisting away and out of the lab. Not even that area of the tower was safe anymore. Time to hide away for a while, and figure out what the fuck he was going to do about the situation at hand. How to push Steve away before the date, when the man was obviously so set on the idea. Hmph. Well. Tony Stark was a man known to come up with a plan, even if it was destined to backfire.

[I know, I know, you want so much Steve/Tony loving. But not yet! NOT YET! We're getting close. But seriously jumping straight into happiness after his meltdown would be so OBVIOUS. Nearly there. Promise. Swear.]


	11. Memories & Moist Lips

[**IF YOU'VE RECEIVED NOTIFICATION THAT A NEW CHAPTER WAS POSTED 12/16/2012 AND WERE DIRECTED HERE, PLEASE GO TO CHAPTER ONE. IT HAS BEEN REDONE AND ANY OTHER INFO IS ENCLOSED. THANK YOU LOVES!**

Alright, we will soon be getting back to regularly scheduled updates. It has been. Crazy. Might get a promotion, still moving our stuff in and getting it organized. Weird going from a whole house to one bedroom. Gotta get rid of stuff and find space for the rest. But at any rate, I still have plenty of muse for this story and it is in no danger of hiatus!

As a side note, I was wondering if there's any fan input on things you'd like to see happen. Even if it doesn't happen in this story, I have a few shorts I'll probably be uploading to another story, basically a bunch of little things in one big shit-storm of Stony. c: So yeah, if you would like to see something happen, don't feel shy. Suggest.

Today I was going over the chapters, just reading and enjoying. And, wow. I love you guys because I don't know how you put up with this shit that I've been typing. This story is a horrible rough draft. I will be fixing the chapters NOW instead of later. Keep an eye out. I think that you'll like the revised version much better than what I've been putting out if you think this is super good. (:

And one last little bit, I am thinking about getting a Beta Reader of sorts. I'm hoping one of you will volunteer. Do so via PM. I'm looking for someone with a good grasp of spelling and grammar, and someone who's willing to tell me when something in a chapter just doesn't make sense. So. Again. If interested. Yeah.]

Fingers fidgeted with the cream colored buttons again, as though Tony hadn't already checked fourteen times to make sure they were all in their right hole. This was ridiculous, and it was sort of destined to fail. However, that small sense of dread was slowly being overcome by the fact that Tony was excited. Not just excited, ecstatic. Ready to burst at the finely-stitched seems. Really, though. This was just.. stupid. So stupid. How had he let himself get pulled into actually doing this whole dinner thing? Because it wasn't a date. At all. It wasn't even remotely close. It was a casual dinner between two friends. A casual dinner that he was dressing up for. Tight leather pants, a black button-up that hung just above his ass cheeks, hinting that there was something waiting to be ta-

"Fucking get your shit together, Stark," Tony hissed at himself in the mirror. Exasperated sigh escaped him, and the man reached up to ruffle his hair. It looked so much better messy. Oh, but maybe that wasn't what Steve was into. Wait. That made it better. Messy. Because he wasn't out to impress Steve. Sure, Tony had put off every possible event that could have ruined the night. Every time he had a really hurtful statement, or a way to throw Steve off his trail, he'd think about that kiss. How perfectly their mouths pressed together, how warm.. soft..

A knock at the door brought a growl from his throat, and he slammed down the bottle of cologne he hadn't realized he was shaking. One last look at himself in the mirror, and Tony was out of his bathroom and to his bedroom door. The group that met him was a little startling.

"Avengers assemble " Tony asked hopefully as Thor, Natasha, Clint, and Bruce all stood with crossed arms. Natasha was the first to push past Tony and into the room. Shortly after he was surrounded and his door was shut again, and even though a grin slipped onto his features, it was nervous. Because he hadn't been surrounded this way since... Well. The week after the funeral, probably. Except Steve had been there, too. He wasn't here. For some strange reason. Chest tightened, and his eyes shifted from one serious face to the next.

"Is Steve hurt, or-" Tony began frantically, trying to press past Clint, who was leaning on the door. "Oh my god and I've been in here getting ready for this stupid dayyy-inner. Dinner."

"Stark," Clint said with an amused smirk. Tony didn't look at him.

"Not that it matters on a personal level," Tony quickly said, looking again from face to face, as each tried not to smile. "I mean yeah we're friends and. Stuff. But I mean you know, who cares, he's a tough-"

"Will you shut up?" This time it was Bruce, and he did laugh, not caring that Tony shot him a glare. "Steve's fine. Nervous. Just like you."

"I am not-" Tony began, going straight into defensive mode, because he was the Stark Playboy! Calm, collected, a fucking God in bed. Steve was in for the night of his life! Or. He would be. He should be.. Ugh! Why couldn't they all go the hell away?

"The Green Giant man is right, Man of Iron, now is not the time for you to speak," Thor said cheerily, clapping Tony on the shoulder and ignoring the death glare he received. He was sort of used to it these days, and hardly felt threatened by the man. After all, Tony was puny and adorable. His hammer would make short work of him.

"Now, Stark." Natasha was speaking up now, and Tony's eyes locked on her. Snarky remarks out the window, she had on a murderous look and he was not willing to piss her off further than she apparently was. "Tonight is a big mission for you. Think of it that way. Victory means you crawl out of your own ass and accept that this is a date and it's destined for greatness. Defeat means I will personally shove something up your ass to retrieve that brain of yours, and it won't be anything pleasant."

Tony wasn't sure he should retort, because Natasha had long arms. He shuddered at the image this idea brought to mind, because that was never something he wanted to try. At least not with her, probably not with anyone else either.

"You'll do just fine, Stark," Clint said cheerfully, obviously excited at the prospect of seeing Natasha cause anyone pain. "Really, it's just like any other date. Except this one means something to you."

Now Tony was outright annoyed, because he did not like to be told how he felt. Nor did he enjoy being cornered and attacked by the people he called his friends. Even if that was still a confusing category for them to all be in, because friend had a very different meaning in Tony's world.

"Tony, listen," Bruce said quietly, and honestly Banner was lucky that Tony had a hell of a lot of respect and trust invested in the man. "No matter what you want to call this, you and Steve have fun. Do not do everything in your power to make it miserable. Please. You both need this." Had Tony not thought of Bruce as a highly intelligent- nearly as intelligent as himself- person, he would have brushed that off and gotten further annoyed. Instead, he sighed in defeat and held up his hands.

"I'm not making promises to any of you, especially not Steve," Tony told them, refusing to look into their eyes. "This is not something that's meant to work out. He's.. Fuck. He's Captain America. He's a beautiful human being, and I'm a playboy alcoholic. I'm not changing overnight, and I'm not sure I'm changing at all. He's asking too much."

"You are fighting too hard," Thor corrected sympathetically, and that was it. Tony did shove Clint aside this time, and out the door, leaving the four to wonder if that had hurt or helped.

To hell with this. Tony was going to march right up to Steve, look him straight in those dazzling blue eyes, and cancel-

Oh.

Oh.

Steve stood just down the hall, hands in his pockets. Black slacks looked so good on the man, and the white, blue-striped button up did wonders for his frame. Not to mention, the blue matched those eyes. Those wonderful eyes that were always on Tony's mind.

What had Tony been planning on doing?

"Evening, Tony," Steve said happily, drawing closer. He hadn't said much to Tony all week, hadn't tried to coax anymore kisses. Tony might not be crawling into bed with him anymore, but he certainly wasn't avoiding Steve either. Steve counted that as a small, silent victory, and decided not to push his luck by grabbing Tony by the waist and yanking him into a passionate hello.

Not until later, and then it would be a goodbye.

"Looking.. Oh fuck Steve, I can't even think of something smart to say," Tony admitted, and they were both surprised. Because that was usually something Tony didn't say out loud, instead he would just think it and get frustrated, pounding his brain until he could figure something out. Something to say that would either cut deep or get a smirk. Tonight that just wasn't working. "You look astounding. Ten out of ten, I would hit that." Fuck he was being frank! Palms were sweaty and he really wished someone would attack the city right this moment.

"Lookin' good yourself, Stark," Steve replied, offering his arm. Tony just looked at it, and then crossed his own arms.

"Look, Steve, I'm not a girl," Tony insisted, ignoring the amusement on Steve's face. "I don't need you to hold doors and walk me on your arm, nor do I need you to pay-"

"Tony." That God damn tone. Tony was going to have to change his name or something. "Will you just hush and relax?" Steve knew this was going to be a pain in the ass the moment he'd asked Tony to dinner. Still he was feeling positive about the whole idea, and as such he dropped his arm and decided it could wait until later. "Alright. Fine, no hand holding. Still not a date, I gotcha." And suddenly Tony was livid, because only he could be snarky. Steve was not allowed to pull his own tricks on him, that was just dirty.

Before he could open his mouth to speak, to argue.. He was falling into step with the Captain. And he was relaxing, just like Steve had asked him to. And wow, this was really exciting. Finally. He was going to get to see what this was like. To.. go to dinner with Steve. Slowly but surely, logic was defying Tony's stubborn thought process and kept slipping the word date into his mind. Hmph. Well, he'd worry about that later. After a bit more bickering and then some much needed laughter, they were on their way to a quiet restaurant Quiet, and very busy. Lots of people staring at them, whispering about Tony Stark and his 'date'. Bastards. Even they wouldn't let Tony just live in his own fantasy.

The first fifteen minutes seated at the table were about as awkward and silent as Tony could stand. Honestly he should be grateful for that, should be hoping that it would continue on this way. But then he was growing horribly uncomfortable. And Steve was just smiling at him. Staring him down like he was a slab of meat, and Tony wished not for the first time that things could just not be complicated. Why couldn't Steve just want a one night stand? Except, Tony knew he himself wouldn't be able to stand that one.

"Why are we doing this to ourselves?" Tony asked abruptly, throwing Steve a little off guard. Before he could question Tony, the man was shrugging and continuing on. "I know what you want. And I wish I could give it to you. I wish I could be this person you think I am. But Steve, it was hard enough breaking out of this playboy thing for Pepper."

"I'm a patient man, Stark," Steve said with a pleasant smile, leaning on his fist and refusing to waver to the scowl he was given. "I waited two years for you to finally be a normal human being and get upset over the loss of someone you loved. You think I can't wait a little longer?"

"I'm not talking a little longer," Tony hissed, pushing his drink aside. Steve had absolutely insisted he just have one, so he was trying to savor it. But God he wished he could just ask for a whole bottle. "I'm talking this might not ever happen. Why are you pushing this so hard?"

"Because I've wanted to be with you for so long now, no amount of complaining on your end is going to phase me," Steve said with a shrug. "You've tried to push me away, remember? I'm not exactly going anywhere. I know what I want, all I'm waiting for now is for you to admit to what you want."

Tony paused at that. It was like an intervention or some shit, except for it was just himself and Steve. At least his alcoholism wasn't being attacked. Tony very much loved his alcohol, and he'd hate to have to defend it to the death. Still, this was difficult. If only Steve hadn't known him so well. That was the most frustrating part. As much of a turn on as it was, it also made Tony feel so vulnerable.

Somehow Steve steered the conversation to light and casual just as their food arrived, and before long Tony was trying not to laugh at all of his jokes, trying not to spit his drink on more than one occasion Steve was just as entertained, listening to stories from parties that Tony hardly remembered. A comfortable silence fell between them, and for a moment this felt like a real date- to both of them. Tony even found himself enjoying it, and he nearly reached out to take Steve's hand.

Nearly.

"Tell me something about you and Peggy, Steve," Tony finally said softly, throwing both of them off. When Steve raised a questioning brow at the sudden demand, Tony shrugged slightly. "It's uh.. I mean, I've just been talking a lot about Pepper lately. I've just been thinking lately about how you never really got to talk about it. None of us were here for you, really. If I'm going to open up like this, then I want something back from you."

It took a few moments, because Steve didn't know where to start. Tony had read his file, that much he was positive of. So surely he knew that Steve and Peggy had been in the war together. But there was so much more hidden beneath their business relationship, wasn't there?

"She was a wonderful dame," Steve said, leaning back and holding onto his glass of water. Wow, he hadn't really thought about her all that recently. It was nice to get back to that old habit "Beautiful brunette. Her hair was always curled just right, I'm not sure how she managed.. And her eyes.. A guy could get lost in them."

Tony was leaning forward now, chin propped on one hand, not realizing just how interested he was. It was nice to see Steve so excited to talk about something. It was actually sweet in it's own way. Sweet? Wow, Tony really was turning into a girl around the soldier. Ah well, he'd question that later.

"We were going to go dancing," Steve continued, soft, pained smile slipping onto his lips. "I'm about seventy years late, you know. But she was my dancing partner. All I ever wanted to do with her. It seemed so romantic at the time, but there was so much more she deserved. Dinners watching the stars. We just met at a very difficult time in our lives." He paused, watching the ice in his drink dwindle away to nothing. "When I went down, she was there with me. Not in person, but over the radio. We agreed to postpone the date. It was silly, honestly. We both knew.. I wasn't walking away from that one. Still, I would have been so much more terrified at the moment if she hadn't talked to me until the final moment." He trailed off, feeling a bit strange now. It was nice to open up, but like Tony, it was something he didn't usually bring up.

Another silence fell between them, this one a bit less comfortable. The dinner was finished this way, and before long they were walking down the street. Steve had picked a restaurant not far away, for this reason. He wanted to walk. For a few simple reasons, of course.

As his arm carefully slung over Tony's shoulder, one of his objectives was complete. Just a little closeness. At first Tony went rigid, surprised by the action. But then he was relaxing, hands in his pockets, and a genuine smile graced his features. This wasn't quite so awful, was it? Maybe he could make this work, maybe this was one of those things he just wouldn't allow his screwed up mind to ruin for him.

Maybe.

"She got married, you know," Steve said quietly, but there was no hint of pain in his voice. Tony looked at him questioningly. "Peggy. Has family. I've seen them. She made beautiful children, beautiful grandchildren. I've wanted.. to go meet them, but I don't know what I'd say. I just wanna hear how happy she was. Wanna hear good things."

"So go you big lug," Tony said with a grin, gently pinching Steve's side. The way the bigger man squirmed nearly drove him crazy, because Tony could imagine making him squirm in quite different ways. Maybe tonight. After all, they had just had dinner.. Dinner meant sex, right? Wait, Steve wasn't that type, not on the first date. Soft huff escaped him, and he found his own arm slinking around Steve's waist.

The rest of the walk was pleasant and silent, and Tony ignored the stares and occasional flash of cameras. Gosh, couldn't even walk down the street with another male superhero holding you close without people getting all freaked out! Steve, on the other hand, seemed to have a little more of a hard time with this. He wasn't used to stares, he wasn't used to being open with another man.

Tony felt the way he tensed, and took to casually stroking Steve's back. The way he shivered gave Tony ideas. How the fuck was he supposed to behave himself with Steve being so adorably fuckable? Thoughts were interrupted, though, as they made it to Stark tower. Up the elevator, and Tony began to think; they really needed to sleep somewhere else. Maybe an actual home for all the Avengers, instead of this stupid Tower. Work and home were all in one for him, but the others might need a break from time to time.

It was at Tony's door that things got interesting, because as he turned to say goodnight to Steve, to thank him for the dinner that was not at all a date, he paused. The way Steve looked at him was familiar and terrifying all at once. So many emotions raged within his eyes, and without a second thought Tony was leaning up as Steve leaned in.

Lips met, but it wasn't rough. It wasn't a crash like the last time. Soft, slow, hands hesitant. The worst part was, it was Tony that was hesitant. Fingers carefully slipped together behind Steve's neck, eyes already slipping shut in pure bliss. This was a good kiss, a real kiss. Wow, Tony hadn't had a kiss this good in ages, and he wasn't sure how Steve knew. Steve was so.. innocent. Tony couldn't imagine that he'd had sex. Actually, he just downright refused. No, not Captain America! No way. No..

What was he thinking moments ago? Because he was really distracted with the way Steve's tongue slipped between his lips.

Tony sucked in a breath as Steve slipped fingers under the hem of Tony's shirt, carefully tracing his hip bones. Wow. How were they keeping this soft and sweet, and how the hell were they not naked and in Tony's bedroom right now? Apparently Steve had the same thought, because moments later he broke away, pulling his tongue back with much resistance, because Tony had taken to gently sucking and nibbling on it. He knew how to be a tease, after all.

It took a moment to compose themselves, especially with Tony trying desperately to resume the kiss. Maybe just once, they could do this. They could pretend they were a real couple, a happy couple. A couple coming home from a nice, romantic dinner, to their bed. God, who the hell was he kidding? He was so head over heels for this marvelous man. Soft groan escaped him as Steve placed his hands on his shoulders, smiling and refusing to let him lean any closer.

"I had a lot of fun, Tony," Steve told him, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. "So lets do it again, soon. Sound good to you?"

Tony wanted to say what they both wanted; that he'd belong only to Steve, that this meant he was done being the playboy everyone knew and loved. But he couldn't. "Dinner, Rogers," Tony said softly. "I can do dinner anytime. But that's what we call it right now."

"Or we can call it a date, Tony," Steve countered, carefully reaching up to run his fingers through the mans hair. Tony pressed against the touch. "But for the night we can call it whatever you'd like." Tony tried one last time to lean in to continue the kiss, but Steve just chuckled. "Goodnight, Tony," he said firmly.

As Tony watched him go, he was already calculating just how long it would take to get the lubricant, take care of his aching problem, and take a shower. Maybe he should just combine it. Yep, moments later he was grabbing a towel, and rushing into the bathroom. Long night? You have no idea.

But Steve and Tony sure did.

[Alright. ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. We're getting THERE. To the relationship. BUT IT'S NOT QUITE READY. Just a little longer, because Tony's working on his shit.

Please review, because reviews help me to better the story.]


End file.
